Have you ever lashed out at someone (your spouse, your child) and later regretted it?

Have you ever suffered with strong emotional anger towards someone yet you held it all inside?

We’ve all at one point in time been hijacked by strong emotions.

If you tend to fly off the handle when aggravated and express your outrage disrespectfully,
OR
If you get upset, frustrated and suppress your feelings by holding them inside,

Your emotions could be costing you

………….important relationships,

………….your job,

……………and even your health

Do you have knee jerk emotional reactions or do
you choose your emotional responses?

When you are able to choose your emotional responses, life becomes so much easier.

Not only will you feel way more empowered
and in control in life,
but you will be happier
and much healthier……
and have better relationships…….

Learning to control your emotions can be one of the best skills you will ever develop.

WHY?

*Emotions create the life you are experiencing now, every part of it.

Emotions lead to the actions you take or don’t take.
Emotions affect the way you treat people in your life.
Emotions affect your physical health.
(studies show negative emotions can kill cells in your body thus affecting your health)

*Emotions like worry (imagining a negative outcome) or fear can paralyze you from:

Having courageous conversations you need to have
Facing uncomfortable situations
Pursuing what you really want in life
Speaking up when necessary

Hanging onto resentments can keep you stuck in
negative feelings that harm YOU and your relationships.

Your emotions can lead you to aggressively
lash out at those you love.
(Creating distance and disconnection in your relationships)

Not feeling your emotions can create anxiety.
(which doesn’t feel good)

Blaming others for your situation in life can lead
to feeling hopeless and powerless.

Emotions can lead to overeating and overdrinking.
(or other addictions like shopping, smoking, gambling)

Emotions can cause chaos in your life.

YOUR ABILITY to manage the highs and lows of your emotions can:

SIGNIFICANTLY affect whether you feel happy, fulfilled and at peace in your life.

MAJORLY impact all of your relationships and the way people feel about being around you.

Emotional Intelligence is a skill that can help you become more aware AWARE and TACTFUL in UNDERSTANDING and HANDLING your own EMOTIONS as well as the emotions of others.

Gaining management over your emotions will help you become MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY STRONGER.

It’s a skill anyone can learn.

Over the next three weeks, I’m going to share with you ten tips to practice to gain management and the ability to feel and choose your emotional responses.

Here’s the first three today.

Think of managing your emotions like the REMOTE CONTROL for your TV.

Are you running your remote or are you letting someone else push your buttons?

STEP ONE: Press PAUSE

We’ve all experienced that feeling in the middle of an argument when anxiety or anger emotionally kidnaps us. (or when someone says something that really strikes a nerve in us)

It can feel overwhelming. It can also lead to negative consequences if you let the emotions take over your logical thinking.

Whenever you feel that feeling, repeat like a mantra, the word:
PAUSE

Then do Deep Breathing and Count.

Breathe in through your nose and count slowly to five. Focus on how your body feels as you breathe in.

Hold for a moment and then exhale, counting backwards from five, (5-4-3-2-1) focusing on your breath as it travels out your body.

It’s simple and brief but it helps you regain your composure. If you allow your emotional brain to take over, you may not end up with the results you want.

The more you practice it, the better it works when you need it.

STEP TWO-TUNE In

Now that you’ve paused, take some time to TUNE IN to your feelings.

Research shows that only 36 percent of people really know how they feel at any given time.

The remaining 64 percent do not. (Because they push their feelings aside versus allowing themselves to feel them)

This is problematic because UNLABELED EMOTIONS often go MISUNDERSTOOD which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

NAME IT TO TAME IT

We’d rather suppress them or just automatically go to the feeling of anger. What we need to do is to tune in and intimately get to know and understand what we’re feeling.

Anger sometimes masks emotions that feel vulnerable–like shame, embarrassment or hurt.

So pay close attention to what’s really going on inside of you.

What’s the pain that is underneath the anger?

Are you nervous? Do you feel disappointed? Are you sad? Are you jealous?
Are you overwhelmed? Are you scared? Are you hurt? Are you worried?

Put a name to your emotions. Keep in mind you might feel a whole bunch of emotions at once–like anxious, frustrated, and impatient.

Getting to know your feelings more intimately and labeling how you feel can take a lot of the sting out of the emotion.

It can also help you take careful note of how those feelings are likely to affect your decisions.

Be ready to be open, willing, and vulnerable to pay attention to your true feelings.

Journaling how you are feeling can help you to identify and become more aware of what’s really underneath those emotions.

STEP THREE-ZOOM In

Zoom into how you feel. Emotions show up as physical feelings in our body.

Are you feeling butterflies in your stomach? A racing heart?
A pounding head? A tight chest? Tense shoulders?

Delving into how your body feels will help you notice your own signs in order to better understand yourself.

Plus–This will help you gain the future ability to catch the emotions when they first start which will be helpful in managing them.

It’s easier to control a SMALL GIANT than a BIG, HUGE GIANT.

Just the acknowledgement and awareness of how you are feeling helps to CALM YOU DOWN.

Pushing down and ignoring your emotions and feelings can actually intensify them. (plus buried emotions can lead to anxiety)

Gaining a deeper understanding of how you feel will also help you to express yourself in a more effective, empowering way.
(when you understand what’s going on inside of you better,
it’s easier to have a conversation with someone else)

Remember, once you are able to control your emotions, LIFE BECOMES SO MUCH EASIER. Not only will you feel way more empowered and in control in life, but you will have so many less upsets and frustrations.

Work on the first three steps this next week-
Stay tuned next week for Steps Four-Six

STEP ONE:PAUSE –Deep Breathe and Count
STEP TWO-TUNE In-Become aware of how you feel and label the emotions
STEP THREE-ZOOM In– Notice where your body feels the emotion

Join me next week for Part 2