Researchers have discovered that if you want to see improved performance in those you interact with, whether that be co-workers, students, significant other, children or family, you need a ratio of five positives to one negative.
When the number of positive interactions outweighs the negative interactions by a ratio of 5:1, relationships thrive!
POSITIVITY is when you show support, encouragement or appreciation (“that’s a good idea”), and NEGATIVITY is when you show disapproval (“I can’t believe you just did that”), sarcasm, or cynicism.”
It may be easy to stay positive (and on your best behavior) with friends and acquaintances, but what about the people you spend the most time with?
How many times a day do you give positive feedback to someone as compared to negative? (this includes your nonverbals–eye rolling and facial expressions–body language, tone of voice) Often, your non-verbals speak louder than your verbal words.
Most of us tend to think we are more positive than we really are. Take time to become more self-aware and track how often you are noticing and commenting on the things you appreciate versus the things you don’t like.
The GOAL is to:
“Look for the good and praise it. In each other, in your children and family, in the world, in the people you work with, even in nature. Speak it out loud”
CRITICIZING and CORRECTING is so EASY and NATURAL to do when someone does something we consider “wrong.” Yet, it can strain and stress our relationships.
Make it a point to PRAISE and emphasize POSITIVE behavior. Don’t focus your attention on the negative behavior you want to eliminate, but instead accentuate the positive behavior you want to increase!
Research has shown that kids who are dealing with difficult situations and demonstrating difficult behaviors can have their lives turned around by a caring and sensitive teacher/adult who makes them feel worthwhile by focusing on their strengths.
It’s not something we outgrow. The adults in your life need this too.
Despite all the research, catching people doing things WRONG still seems to be the norm.
Are you wearing glasses that find people’s strengths and positive attributes?
OR
Are you wearing glasses that consistently find their weaknesses and negative attributes?
To STRENGTHEN any relationship, whether at work, home or school, whether with adults, teens or children, change what you consistently look for and what you consistently comment on.
It can have a ripple effect!
Remember, if you want YOUR relationship to THRIVE, strive for the FIVE POSITIVES TO ONE NEGATIVE RULE!
