We all have times when we feel discouraged.
Discouragement can feel heavy, stuck, sad or hopeless.
You may get discouraged in your relationships, your finances, your ability to complete a project, reach a goal or most anything in your life.
When you feel discouraged, you easily find more discouraging signs that things won’t work out.
(This is your brain’s frustrating negativity bias at work, which makes you more sensitive to anything negative when you’re feeling down.)
Without realizing it, your INNER VOICE starts piling on feelings and stories from your past when you felt discouraged, and before you know it-you’re really DISCOURAGED.
Today when I sat down to write a blog, I felt DISCOURAGED. I just wanted to go raid the cupboard and find some good potato chips (like sour cream and onion) and sit in front of the TV and watch Netflix instead of writing.
I ultimately knew that would make me feel worse.
Feeling discouraged is a sign that it’s time to make a change inside of yourself.
The KEY here is ‘inside of yourself’—-because our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to BLAME.
We can’t always change what’s happening outside of us but we can change our perspective or what’s happening inside of us.
So, I decided to GET MYSELF OUT OF IT….
“When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change”
Here’s what I did to bounce back and turn my discouragement around so I could feel better and accomplish something.
STEP ONE: I stopped COMPARING myself to other people.
I noticed that in my mind I was thinking—
……..”look at so and so….look at all they’ve accomplished”
……..”look how organized and efficient they are”
……..”look at all the great ideas they come up with”
……..”look at how easy it is for them-what’s wrong with you!”
……..”you’ve been doing this for years-why is it still so time consuming and difficult”
I found that COMPARISON was FUELING my DISCOURAGEMENT.
We see what they have and what we don’t.
We see why they are better than us.
When we do this we get discouraged and we feel sorry for ourselves.
We don’t see their struggles, their fears, their setbacks, and their failures.
We think it’s all easy for them-they’re just so much more talented and put together.
I had to remind myself-
DO NOT compare yourself to other people.
When I quit comparing myself, I felt better right away. (I really did!)
Is there an area of your life where you’re comparing yourself to others?
STEP TWO: I started thinking about all the things I had to be thankful for…..
OK, so let’s just be honest and acknowledge that sometimes–the last thing you want to be doing when you feel down or discouraged is counting your blessings.
Science shows, it’s one of the best ways to help yourself feel better.
When you practice GRATITUDE, your brain releases SEROTONIN and DOPAMINE, which make you feel good in the short-run, but you also become more productive, less anxious and develop a mindset of POSSIBILITY vs. discouragement.
What’s going great in my life?
Who do I have that’s important in my life?
What are some fun things I’m looking forward to?
What are some of my strengths?
What am I lucky to have that some others don’t?
What am I proud of in my life?
GRATITUDE doesn’t take away the DISCOURAGEMENT but it helps put me in a better mindset to deal with it.
STEP THREE: I VISUALIZED myself out of discouragement
When I visualized myself being in a funk and unable to write this newsletter, I felt discouraged and I lacked motivation. I had a feeling of dread.
When I switched to seeing myself successfully completing a great newsletter, I felt excited. My motivation increased.
I had to start seeing what I wanted to happen and create in my mind versus seeing myself failing to get one done today.
STEP FOUR: I took CONTROL of that VOICE in my head
When we get discouraged, the harsh catastrophic voice in our heads often comes out in full force.
So I had to become aware of how I was talking to myself and shift from harshness to self-compassion.
I gave myself a pep talk….
“You’re doing fine-just keep going. You’ll get there.”
“You’ve been able to write some great newsletters over the years.”
“You’ve gained so many good writing skills.”
“Just keep writing one sentence at a time. It will start to flow.”
“Even really great writers have ‘ups’ and ‘downs'”
STEP FIVE: SOLUTIONS & ACTION
I asked myself—
“What’s one thing you can do right now to move you forward?”
First–I took the tiniest possible step. I turned on my computer, opened up a document, and wrote one sentence.
It’s such a small action that it seems insignificant, but because it was such a small step I knew I could do it even if I was feeling discouraged.
That one tiny step felt good, and then I took another one and before I knew it, my discouragement started to subside.
Even the tiniest SOLUTION oriented and ACTION step can help lessen DISCOURAGEMENT.
What’s one small action step you can take right now?
STEP SIX-I Quit SHOULDING on myself.
Discouragement generally occurs when what we THINK SHOULD happen doesn’t align with reality (what actually happens).
In many cases our expectations are unrealistic. For me it had to do with how long I thought things should take and how easy/difficult it should be.
Here’s how I was SHOULDNING on myself–
“You should have had this done hours ago.”
“You should be better at this after all these years.”
“You should be a better writer”
Should….should….should….should…..
What’s wrong with you!!!
I need to let up on my ‘shoulds’ and accept my humanness.
As a human–
……..I’m not always ‘in the flow’
……..I’m not always motivated
……..Sometimes I’m unproductive and sometimes I’m productive
……..Sometimes I have great ideas and sometimes I don’t
After all-I’m a human….I’m less than perfect and that’s ok.
It would be nice if I could just sit down and quickly write an awesome newsletter but that isn’t always a realistic expectation.
The reality is that most things that are worthwhile take a lot of effort and time to come to fruition.
When I relaxed my EXPECTATIONS and SHOULDS a little, it really helped to decrease my discouragement.
So be patient with yourself and let up on your SHOULDS.
STEP SEVEN–I told myself I had to STOP COMPLAINING
Complaining only makes matters worse.
The bottom line is that you will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now.
Complaining does not work as a strategy.
If you took 10% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your present problem, you’d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out. (I forget this sometimes, which is why I’m writing it down again – to remind myself.)
When I stopped complaining, I realized that I really did have the power in me to write this newsletter that you are reading right now.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I’m feeling stronger, because I took these steps.
They really did help LIFT MY DISCOURAGEMENT!
We aren’t machines, constantly charged up and ready to GO.
We are human, which means we falter, we doubt, and we get discouraged.
It’s good to have some strategies to use to pull us
out of this funk when it happens.
These strategies helped me complete this newsletter that you are reading right now!!
What’s an area of your life that you get DISCOURAGED in where you can try these strategies out?
- Stop comparing yourself to other people
- Make a Gratitude List
- Visualize seeing the way you want things to be
- Take control of that voice in your head
- What’s one small action you can take towards a solution (and do it)
- Quit shoulding on yourself
- Quit Complaining
