Yesterday, in my work with a client, we’ll call her Stephanie, she stated—
“I know I shouldn’t think that way but I can’t help it.”
“I know those thoughts make me feel really crappy.”
“They make me feel so overwhelmed.”
“I know they’re negative.”
“I know they’re not helping me.”
“I just don’t know how to make them go away.” “Nothing I do works.”
First, HUGE KUDDOS to her because she’s getting really good at the first three steps in the ART of CPR which is AWARENESS, RECOGNIZING and TAKING TIME TO ANALYZE.
She’s becoming AWARE of her feelings.
She’s RECOGNIZING how her thoughts are leading to her feelings.
She’s TAKING TIME to ANALYZE her thoughts versus just letting them run on autopilot.
With the average person having up to 60-80,000 thoughts a day running around in their head, how many do you think we’re really taking time to recognize and analyze?
Our thoughts are happening unconsciously 24/7 at lightning speed.
We’re not even AWARE of most of them yet they are RUNNING OUR LIFE!!
Ninety percent of the thoughts you thought yesterday, you will think again today because your thoughts become habits just like anything else in life.
The SAME THOUGHTS will keep getting you the SAME FEELINGS and the SAME RESULTS.
Stephanie is really fed up with some things in her life and she definitely wants DIFFERENT RESULTS so she’s taking this ‘thought’ thing pretty serious.
Yesterday, Stephanie and I worked on the C (in ART of CPR) which is CHOOSING TO DEFUSE.
Everyone has the capability to do this!
DEFUSION is distancing from and letting go of unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and memories.
It’s like being an OBSERVER—you notice the thoughts and feelings but you don’t get caught up in them.
You can use this for anxiety, upsets, worries or any uncomfortable feelings you may experience.
It’s like a muscle, the more you use it, the more you strengthen your skill and ability to use it.
If you’re having worrisome thoughts, defusion skills can help you let the thoughts come and go like passing cars instead of getting trapped in them (ruminating & catastrophizing would be examples of getting trapped in them)
In fusion we are ‘caught up in’ and ‘preoccupied’ with our thoughts.
They feel domineering, like they have all the power in the world to make us feel angry, upset, hurt, worried or anxious.
Defusing allows us to step back and observe those thoughts without getting caught up in them. We start to see that our thoughts as just streams of words, sounds, pictures going through our mind.
They are just thoughts.
Why do we want to do this?
Your life, your relationships, your confidence, your happiness all improve when you can start to control your thoughts instead of letting your thoughts control you.
In psychology there are hundreds of ways to help you diffuse from your thoughts.
Here’s a really easy one that I use all the time and it’s really helped me.
Pick an area of your life that you know you have negative, judgmental thoughts.
I’ll use the example of self-judgment as I know most people beat themselves up a lot and it makes them feel ‘crappy’ …….
You could also use negativity towards others as we sure do that a lot too. (we’re human judging machines—they shouldn’t be that way!! It’s wrong!!)
You can pick any thought that makes you feel overwhelmed with emotion.
First, put your negative self-judgment into a short sentence….
For example, ‘I’m messed up’ or ‘I’m inadequate’ or ‘I just can’t do it’ or ‘I’ll never figure it out.’
Fuse with this thought for 10 seconds – get caught up in it, give it your full attention and believe it as much as you possibly can.
Now, put this phrase in front of it: ‘I’m having the thought that …’
For example, ‘I’m having the thought that I just can’t do it.
I’m having the thought that ‘I’m messed up’
I’m having the thought that ‘I’m inadequate’
Now replay it one more time, but this time add this phrase ‘I notice I’m having the thought that …’
For example, ‘I notice I’m having the thought that I’m a loser’.
‘I notice that I’m having the thought that I just can’t handle it’
‘I notice that I’m having the thought that I’ll never figure it out.’
The more you practice this exercise, the better you will get at separating from your thoughts. (deffusing)
The more you are able to deffuse from them, the less control they will have over your life.
In my life coaching program, I’ll work with you personally to identify and recognize those thoughts and feelings that are keeping you stuck where you don’t want to be so you can switch them out for the thoughts and feelings that will get you to where you want to be!
Send me an email fay@fayprairie.com telling me you’d like to set up a FREE consultation to discover how personal coaching can help you and I’ll reach out to set up a date and time
