You are influencing the people in your life much more than you realize.
In 1911, a team of researchers went into schools and administered intelligence tests to students. (Rosenthal Studies) They told the teachers that Sally, Sam and Sarah had the highest IQ and potential for growth.
They asked the teachers not to mention the results to the students, and not to spend any more or less time with them. At the end of the year they were tested again, and indeed, Sam, Sally and Sarah posted off the charts for intellectual ability.
Now, the truth is when Sam, Sally and Sarah were tested in the beginning, they were absolutely ordinary. The researchers had randomly picked their names and then lied to the teachers about their ability. But, after the experiment, they had in fact turned into superstars.
What caused the ordinary students to become extraordinary?
The teachers changed their attitudes towards these students. Not only did they spend more time with these students, they were also more enthusiastic about teaching them, unintentionally showing more warmth toward them.
These chosen children felt more capable and intelligent and they performed accordingly, just on the weight of the teachers’ expectations of them. This is called the Pygmalion effect.
The expectations we have about our children, co-workers, friends and spouses—whether or not they are voiced—can bring that potential to life. People tend to act as we expect them to act.
You do have the power to leverage how people will behave.
- What if we believed we married a capable, loveable, and fun person?
- What if we believed we married an inconsiderate, slob?
- Would we treat them differently with each different expectation?
I expect my marriage to fail. I react by pulling away and act differently towards my spouse. I don’t expect him to care or to try.
My belief and behavior may cause him to live up to my expectation.
I expect my spouse to be loving, gentle and kind. I create a warmer interpersonal environment; I smile and nod more, I’m friendly, supportive and encouraging. Therefore, my behavior brings about a more loving, gentle and kind response.
Despite the truth, teachers were able to influence Sally, Sam and Sarah to be the smartest kids in the class.
A teacher has been forewarned how loud and rowdy Jared is in class. She is consistently on the lookout for this type of behavior from him. Each time she witnesses it, she immediately thwarts it before it gets out of control.
Do her verbal and nonverbal reactions contribute to his behavior?
Your expectations of others determine your actions.
Your actions affect how the other person behaves.
“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.”
Rosenthal’s theory teaches that people do sense how you view them and treat them, and change their behavior to match this expectation.
How are you viewing people?
How are you treating them?
What if you imagined and treated them as you wanted them to be?
Fay, this is a great reminder. 1911 and we are still falling for it! I’ve seen this at work in my kids’ school, and when I was a young substitute teacher — almost 30 years ago! I was called one morning to cover the special ed class that started an hour later. With no training and no time to really even think about it, I just went in and did my usual thing. Many of the kids rose to the occasion and I got called back frequently! 🙂 Again, thanks for this reminder. best, Angela
Words carry so much power. The sad part is, people do this each and every day. We make assumptions on someone, we gossip, and often spread the wrong impressions long before anyone gets the chance to make a first impression for themselves, or to make up their mind about the person in question.
This is one of my favourite experiments to share in my work with teams as well. How powerful is it to know that just in thinking of someone as a superstar, so they become. I feel filled with love when I think of doing this more with my kids, and with myself too!! Thank you for the reminder of how my perception of anyone can directly affect their results.
I know and believe this and I have to remind myself too!! It can be easy to do but it can also be easy “not to do.”
Fay, I LOVE your posts, they are so inspiring and reminders of the power we have to change lives just by our intention, attention, words and actions. My entire transformational coaching programs could be summed up in this one post. See people as they ARE- in their True Form Hearts-and hold space, love and encouragement for them to BE there.
I love the words you’ve chosen to bring it all together. Do you find people resistant to this when they first start out? Sometimes it’s difficult to admit that by changing ourselves, we can make the biggest changes in others.
I only made it as a classroom teacher for two semesters before I realized it wasn’t for me! My mom, bless her heart, has done 32 years!
But in my one year of teaching I experienced this first hand: I was just an adjust teacher so I only came in to teach three classes. I didn’t spend any time with the other teachers so I never heard anything about students: good or bad; smart or lazy; unmotivated or a grade grubber.
I assumed that ALL my students were smart and willing to work hard to maintain grades (it was a prep school). Imagine the administration’s surprise when I graded hard AND had the solid C-students with a high B in my class or the B-averages getting A’s.
Here’s my advice: MAKE assumptions about people; give them labels. But make wonderful assumptions and empowering labels. it worked for me in the classroom and it’s working great with my clients.
Fay this is an awesome post! I love it! You illustrate the effects of our thoughts and actions so clearly with these examples. It’s very empowering to realize that who we are and how we treat others can have such a big impact. Thanks so much for this post!