Having the right skills to create healthy, thriving relationships is possibly one of the most important things you could ever learn.
How well you listen is a learned skill (and not a matter of some have it and some don’t) It can greatly increase your relationships and enable you to be immediately liked, trusted and respected. It is estimated that of the total time we spend in communication, 55% is devoted to listening
Statistics also show that a lack of communications skills can account for as much as 80% of the reason people have difficulties in their relationships.
People who do not listen well come across as uncaring or non-interested. Most people do not even know that they are not listening.
How good a listener are you??
Which roadblocks are holding you back?
12 Roadblocks to Listening
- Comparing– Comparing makes it hard to listen because you’re always trying to assess who is smarter, more competent, more emotionally healthy, more right or wrong—you or the other.
- Mind Reading-The mind reader doesn’t pay much attention to what people say. In fact, he often distrusts it. He’s trying to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling.
- Rehearsing-You don’t have time to listen when you’re rehearsing what to say. Your whole attention is on the preparation and crafting of your next comment.
- Filtering-When you filter, you listen to some things and not to others. You pay only enough attention to see if somebody’s angry, or unhappy, or if you’re in emotional danger.
- Judging-Negative labels have enormous power. If you prejudge someone as stupid or nuts or unqualified, you don’t pay much attention to what they say.
- Dreaming-You’re half listening, and something the person says suddenly triggers a chain of private associations. Your husband says he’s upset about something you did, and in a flash you’re back to the last time he upset you.
- Identifying-You take everything a person tells you and refer it back to your own experience. They tell you about something you did wrong and it makes you think of all the things you think they’ve done wrong.
- Advising-You don’t even have to hear but a few sentences and you’re searching for all the advice that you’re going to give them—what they should and shouldn’t do.
- Sparring-You tend to argue and debate with people. The other person never feels heard because you’re so quick to disagree.
- Being Right-You will go to any lengths (twisting the facts, start shouting, make excuses or accusation, call up past sins) to avoid being wrong.
- Derailing-This is when you suddenly change the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get uncomfortable or bored.
- Placating-“Right, right….Absolutely….I know” You want to be nice, pleasant and supportive. You want to please people so you just go along with what they say and agree with everything.
Which one can you see yourself in?
Become mindful and aware of what your blocks are and then start improving on them! It can make a world of difference in your relationships. People will feel more valued, respected and connected with you.
First of all, what a sweet little dog on the phone!
Those are great roadblocks to keep in mind. I’ve always loved helping people, and I’m afraid I’m prone to 8) Advising. Thank you for raising our awareness to all the listening roadblocks!
I really like your article about the importance of listening skills and the roadblocks to listening. And I think sometimes we don’t think about how important listening skills can be to our business success. Most people want to do business with people that they know, like, and trust. Listening skills can be like a magnet drawing people to want to do business with us while listening roadblocks tend to push prospective customers away.