Have you ever had the echoes of what someone has said about you keep repeating over and over in your head? You can’t seem to shut it out.
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“You’re wrong!”
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“That’s a stupid idea!”
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“You don’t do things right!”
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“There’s something wrong with you!”
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“You’re incapable!”
The worst part is, it has made you upset and extremely emotional. That’s all you feel and think about all day.
We’re bound to have people upset us with their words!
Some people are all too ready to express their negative opinions in a nasty way.
A lot of us suffer from caring too much about what others think.
We don’t like to be judged and we want other people to like and approve of us.
How much is too much? Why care about what others think to the point that it ruins our day and even holds us back to the things we truly want to do?
Can we learn to not let others’ words hurt us?
Try using the following three tactics to drastically decrease your sensitivity to others words. With time and practice, you may actually be surprised at the results this will help you achieve.
1. Replace it with a positive thought
When someone insults us or says something which we completely disagree with, it keeps repeating in our heads over and over. We rationalize it, reason with it and analyze it…which ends up keeping us emotionally involved with the words, and therefore gives them more power.
Realize that someone else’s thoughts and words are not the “gospel” truth. Accept that they may have their point of view depending on how they are feeling in that moment but you don’t have to internalize their feelings. You can block theirs out and choose your own point of view and feelings.
Replace their words with positive ones. No one is perfect; we all have human errors and limitations. The key is to focus on our positives. Think optimistically about all that you do have going for you. Think optimistically about your future.
You have a choice in what you think. Your mind is your mind, so take control of your thoughts.
Choose to let their words go and replace them with ones that make you feel “good” about you!
2. Stand up for yourself!
We often make the pain of other people’s words worse by not standing up for ourselves. We suppress what we think and feel.
We may think, “Oh I just didn’t want to cause trouble,” or “It just wasn’t worth it.” Each time we passively take someone else’s negative remarks, each time we don’t stick up for ourselves, we weaken ourselves.
When we respectfully express how we feel, it helps to clear up the negativity we feel inside. One of the big keys here, is to do it RESPECTFULLY!
3. Choose positive people to spend time with!
Avoid people who are negative and hurt you.
Sometimes family and co-workers can’t be avoided but you can make an effort to only be with them when you have to be. Surround yourself with positive people who support and encourage you.
Remember, when people are negative and using hurtful words, it’s not personal! It’s about what’s going on in them, it’s not really about you!
So, put up your shield and let their words repel back to them; don’t let them get inside of you! Don’t take it personal!
Getting hurt by others’ words is a very common issue all of us face in life. Unless you’re extremely positive, confident and strong, it’s hard to not let others bother you.
Let me know in the comments what you’ve done (or are doing) to not let words hurt you. I’ve love to hear some more suggestions.
I love this. Especially #2. I know you work with bullying, and it seems like #2 is a way for a potential target to cut through that power relation. Last summer my son was approached by two kids in his swim camp who told him he had to go to the end of the line. Though he’s been bully bait before, this time he had his wits about him to say “No!” with a look of derision. They were deflated, tried again the next day, and got the same reaction from him. After that they left him alone. It’s important to know we aren’t powerless against mean and negative people, thanks for this, it’s great!
Thanks for sharing, Angela! Now you’ve given me a story to share with other kids!! Good for your son–because it can take a lot of courage to stand up for yourself!
#3! To the best of our ability we can choose the people we share our energy with. Notice I didn’t say time. We don’t always have a choice about that. But we don’t always have to invest our energy or our BELIEF in what they say. We always, always have a choice.
Even when it seems hard to remember.
Thanks for this reminder!
So on target Fay. In coaching entrepreneurs I find that most face the negative internal voices from their past that always seem to want to grab at them on their most vulnerable days. Maybe something that someone said when they were younger and they took it to heart. I find especially that women seem to be more sensitive. We are people pleasures and we want people to like us and approve.
As you mention trading in negative thoughts for positive ones is important. I think it helps to also have a coach, friend or family member to help you get past those “bad times” someone who can be your cheerleader when you hit a rough patch.
Thank you for speaking to what we feel but don’t talk about in a constructive way. I often have the words of others fester and run around in my mind and keep hurting myself with them over and over. I appreciate your simple steps, especially #2, because it is the one that so is often missed with little to now boundaries. That, is my current leadership growth.
Fay you know you’re preaching to the choir with me. It’s so important to set boundaries around others and yourself! These are excellent tips and a great reminder as almost everyone struggles with this at some point.
I’m all for #3 these days. Wendi and I were just talking about it earlier. The key is in understanding exactly what kind of energy you want around you. Do you have to put up with energy suckers? No. Do you have to tolerate the nay-sayers and fatalists? Hell no. Let them go drain someone else, you’ve got better things to do—preferably with people who think the same way you do.