As a personal life coach, I often hear about challenging situations and relationship issues. I often ask people, “did you tell them that?” They get that sheepish “I know I should” look on their face and say “NO.”
Why is it that some conversations are so difficult to have? (and I know they are because I’m guilty of it too!)
Whether it’s something you need to talk to your spouse about, an issue you need to discuss with your co-worker, or a complaint you need to bring up with your in-laws, life is full of tough and uncomfortable conversations.
You can skirt the issue.
You can act out passive-aggressively.
You can hope someone else deals with it.
OR— YOU CAN SPEAK UP!
Speaking-up can be hard to do!
It can be terrifying to put yourself out there, and share your thoughts, needs and feelings with someone else. The risk of being rejected, or getting into a fight or having bad feelings between you is high.
So, sometimes we just choose to remain unhappy, suck it up, and shove those feelings deep, deep down thinking,
“I don’t want to deal with it.”
Here’s some important things to consider:
- If you’re often distressed (frustrated, irritated, sad or anxious), there may be a conversation or topic you’re avoiding. Facing and having that conversation may save you years of pain and frustration. (short-term discomfort for long-term gain)
- Difficult topics never get easier. You’ll always be able to find a hundred reasons or excuses why it’s not the right time to speak up. Every day you’ll be able to find a reason, usually quite valid, why today isn’t the right day. Truthfully, if not now, when? Most likely it’s not going to get any easier.
- There is no certainty. No matter how many times you play the conversation in your head you’re not going to be able to predict the outcome with any certainty. It’s often the fear of the unknown and our need for certainty that drives our anxiety and procrastination. If you knew that you would be heard, welcomed, and that your issues would be addressed positively, you wouldn’t be so scared to have the conversation. You’d just DO IT. Unfortunately, you will never have that certainty.
- The worst is never as bad as you think it is. The reality that you create in your mind is often far worse than what will actually happen. Yes, you might get in an argument, and you might be rejected, and they might say something that hurts your feelings. Yet, sometimes that’s not as bad as the mental anguish you go through when you don’t have the conversation.
- You’re missing out on how much better you could be feeling! If you need someone or something to change, and you don’t do anything about it, you are hurting yourself and your relationships. Speaking up doesn’t mean the issue will magically get better or become the way you want it to be. But, when you don’t speak up, there’s a very good chance that you will become more distressed, more resentful, and more miserable. The negative feelings that build up inside of you from not speaking up, start to come out and usually in an ugly and unproductive way.
Use these five truths to
motivate yourself to speak up!
Remember this:
Are you going to RISE and have those conversations you’ve been avoiding or are you going to RUN and keep avoiding them?
Fay Prairie is a personal life coach specializing in relationships and empowering mindsets. She helps set you free from stress, negativity AND FRUSTRATION so you can start creating a life and relationships that you’re excited to wake up to!
Contact Fay to set up a FREE 30 minute call to discover how Personalized Life Coaching can help you to begin making positive changes in your life! (e-mail fay@fayprairie.com or call 507-829-0181)
