When it comes to relationships, there is one addiction that stops listening and communication dead in its tracks.
“I AM RIGHT”
The “I AM RIGHT” syndrome contributes to many battles and is like an addictive drug.
It’s the cause of many arguments. We’ve all hung onto an argument because “I AM RIGHT.”
Think back to a recent disagreement with someone,
Was there a determination to win?
Did you use harsh words or a tone of voice to defend your position?
Was being right more important than being kind?
Was being right even more important than what you were discussing?
Here is a little snippet of a conversation that shows how easily the desire to be right can take over and blow kindness right out the window.
Susie pulls her wet hands out of a sink full of greasy dishes and calls to her husband who is watching the ball game. “Mark, honey, the sink is stopped up again…” “Again!” his voice bellows from the living room. “What did you do? You poured hamburger grease down the drain again, didn’t you?”
Susie marches into the living room, her voice fighting with the TV. “You didn’t fix it like I asked you to! I bet you just used a plunger. You didn’t really clear the pipes like I asked…. ”
Mark doesn’t wait for her to finish. The tone of her words tells his primitive brain: “Okay, this is a fight, which means I have to make sure I win!”
Mark’s tone immediately matches hers, upping the volume to assert his alpha position. “I told you not to pour grease down the drain!” He follows her into the kitchen and surveys the scene. “Now you have a sink full of greasy dishes! Look at this mess!”
“Well, if you had really fixed the drain instead of just using a plunger and being lazy… ”
By now they are in a full-blown argument. Neither Susie nor Mark wants to admit that they are wrong. So they will fight to the death to prove that they are right.
This argument would have never even begun if Susie could just have said: “You’re right, I forgot, and poured hamburger grease down the drain again. Would you please help me clear the drain?”
Or if Mark could have said: “You’re right. I thought just using the plunger would take care of it, and I hate using those chemicals.”
Try asking yourself:
Am I just wanting to be right in this situation?
Could I let go of the feeling of wanting to fight-to-be-right?
Could I simply admit my error, and then ask for what I need?
Could I choose to be happy instead of “dead-right?”
“Would I rather be right or be happy?”
You might find the feeling of peace and harmony that comes from surrendering feels better than the disconnection that comes from being right.
“Being right” is like an addictive drug. You always need more of it in order to feel satisfied.
Surrendering the need to be right can lead to a lifetime of peace and happiness in your relationships.
