Are you Here? Or There?

Posted on April 2, 2023 by Fay Prairie

How do we keep ourselves in the present moment?

Try these 5 Strategies

Strategy #1 Focus on what you are doing right now

Each time your mind starts to wander—pull it back to FOCUS on the task in front of you.

Give yourself a command-

“I am going to put all of my minds energy on the task in front of me right now”

It can even help with listening and good communication—

“I am going to give all of my attention to this conversation that I am in right now”

When we spend too much time thinking about what happened yesterday, last week, last month or too much time thinking about next week, next month or next year, we miss out on the PRESENT MOMENT.

Strategy #2 Stay where your feet are.

If you’re always thinking about what you need to be doing next, and all the other things you need to be getting done, you’re no longer focused on the moment you’re in.

You create more feelings of overwhelm and stress because your mind is hopping ahead to the future.

Say to Yourself: Stay where your feet are…..It reminds you to be present, right here, right now.

When you start thinking about things that happened in the past:

Replaying past conversations
Mistakes you’ve made
Resentments that are eating you up
Embarrassing moments
Thoughts of how you should have done things differently

Say to yourself: Stay where your feet are. Your feet are right here, right now—not in those past situations.

Strategy #3 Savor the moment

Sometimes it’s so easy to be there but not really be there. Sometimes when we’re overwhelmed and life is going too fast, we numb out. Maybe we kiss our loved ones hello or goodbye but we don’t really ‘feel it’ because we’re not really there.

If you consistently remind yourself to slow down and savor the moment, over time you won’t feel so distracted or stressed.

Enjoy that hug!

Watch those birds play in that puddle!

Savor those children laughing!

Appreciate the color of the leaves!

You’ll be able to discover the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Slowing down and savoring what’s right in front of us can help us develop a sense of appreciation which helps us to feel more joy and happiness in our life.

Learning to “savor the moment” in life is a convenient, free, and effective way to increase your happiness and quality of life, and reduce stress

Strategy #4 Ask : “Where am I right now?” “Am I here?”

It’s just a simple question that can help you become aware of where your mind is—is it in the past, the future or the present.

If it’s in the past or future, you can then steer your mind back to the PRESENT.

Strategy #5 There’s No Next thing to get to right now.

Imagine that there is no next event, next task, next person or next anything to get to right now. Invite yourself to stop preparing or getting ready for something else. Just be totally focused on what you are doing now.

There’s no next thing to get to right now. Just be here with this.

Use these strategies and you’ll discover that the more you can keep your mind from traveling into the past or into the future, the less stress, frustration and anxiety you will have.

P.S. If you’d like some help improving your life or relationships, email or call me to set up a FREE time to visit about how getting a life coach can help you…..

Email fay@fayprairie.com

Phone 507-829-0181

Are you burying this?

Posted on October 4, 2018 by Fay Prairie

Burying it isn’t a good idea!

While most of us know that stress affects us, we may not know just how much it affects us.

We may think of it as just “having too much to do in too little time.” But, there’s also a lot more to it than that.

Every unresolved experience in your life gets stored in your body as tension.

For example, if you have an argument and walk away saying:

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,”

That stress stays with you until you go back and resolve it.

When you have that happen several times, the tensions build up inside of you.

Anything that you “hold onto” and “stuff” rather than working through it, gets stored in your body.

It includes blaming others and holding onto resentments.

It includes any negative self-judgments about yourself.

It includes any sadness, fear, guilt, shame, and anger that you push down.

If you hang onto any of these mental-emotional patterns they get stored as tension in your body.

What you think you are “ignoring” or “avoiding” gets shoved inside, into your cells and tissues, eventually becoming the 95% of stress-related doctor visits.

So what do you need to

take away from this?

ONE:

Become as aware as you can of all your feelings.

TWO:

Become aware of stress, tension, and conflict arising with others and work through it.

Don’t shove your feelings aside thinking that you’ve got more important things to attend to. Learn what your feelings are telling you about what you are holding onto and what actions you need to take right now to move forward.

FOUR:

Work things out, instead of letting them linger and fester.

FIVE:

Communicate even when it feels hard to do.

SIX:

Handle conflict honestly and directly, as soon as possible.

At the same time, understand that you won’t always handle things well. Other people won’t always cooperate with you or be as ready to communicate and resolve things as you are. (part of the problem of being human)

So, also, make it a habit to practice relaxing your body, calming your emotions, and quieting your mind at some point every day.

Learn to let go on your end, even when others aren’t able to.

It’s so important to both your physical and mental health to minimize the stress in you life.

Some stress is good but too much over an extended period of time IS NOT!

Are your Feelings Keeping you Trapped?

Posted on August 15, 2017 by Fay Prairie

The Best Way to INCREASE Your Stress is to–
Blame Others and become Resentful towards them.

Resentment occurs when “whatever” is going wrong is perceived as someone’s fault.

Justified or not, resentment keeps us focused on damage and injury, rather than solutions and healing.

As long as we continue to focus on the “wrongs” and who’s responsible for them, we stay stuck in stress. We need to focus on “Solutions” to move out of stress.

How often during the day are you feeling resentful?

Resentment typically looks like:

impatience
agitation
annoyance
irritability
sarcasm
frustration

We spend more time in low-grade resentment all day than we probably realize.

Think about it—how often do you:

feel annoyed? Irritable? Or frustrated?

Resentment magnifies stress and it drains your energy.

The report you need to write takes longer, consumes more energy, and has more errors, if…

“It should have been assigned to someone else!”
“This is taking so long……”
“It’s not fair that I have so much work to do….”
“I just don’t have the patience to get this done….”

You might enjoy taking your kids to the soccer game, if…

“Your spouse would take their turn once in awhile….”
“It wasn’t so unfair that you have the bulk of household chores….”

Traffic jams are horribly stressful when you focus on what you cannot control. Resentful people focus on how things should be different:

How the highway should have been designed,
How the traffic lights are not properly synchronized, and
How wrong everyone else drives.

Resentment/Stress Test

Is your stress magnified by resentment? Write down the five things that cause the most stress in your life.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Now take a moment to imagine that all traces of resentment have been removed from your stress:

There’s no unfairness or injustice.
Everyone involved pulls their weight.
Everyone involved lives up to their responsibilities.
You have all the help, understanding, appreciation, consideration, praise, reward, respect, and affection you desire.

Take a few moments to enjoy an imaginary world without resentment.
When there’s no resentment, we tend to focus on:

• Improving
• Learning
• Appreciating more in life
• Connecting to others
• Protecting those we love

All of the above lower stress and, help us to create more feelings of “fairness” in the world.

Warning:

Change in Other People’s Behavior Won’t Alter Your Resentment

Resentment is like a habit and it becomes a part of who you are.

You start to head down the resentment road quite frequently—it’s becomes your habitual route. It helps you feel self-righteous.

In order to “let go” of resentment, you have to clean it out within yourself. You can’t just wait for other people to change. It’s an inside job that has to be resolved within you.

Sometimes it’s not so easy to just “let go” of resentments but you also need to crowd them out by doing the opposite.
You recondition resentment by forming new habits of improving, appreciating, connecting and protecting.

Each time you start to feel resentment arising in you and you want to blame and criticize someone or something, practice appreciation, practice improving love and connection inside of you vs criticism and resentment.

Feel Trapped? Seek Coaching.

Call or email me today for a FREE no obligation 30 minute consultation.

507-829-0181 ………..fay@fayprairie.com

Find out how coaching can help you realize your full potential in life and relationships!

You NEED to do this! It’s POWERFUL but SIMPLE!!

Posted on April 19, 2017 by Fay Prairie

6 Comments »

Stress is an unavoidable part of life.

Not all stress is bad for you. Some stress helps you to perform better.

But chronic stress – the kind a lot of people face day in and day out – can be destructive.

The Dangers of Stress:

Up to 90% of doctors’ visits are due to stress.

When you’re stressed, the enemy–Cortisol, is running through your system all day long.

Over time, cortisol wears out your immune system and can lead to weight gain, digestive problems, cancer, heart disease, and diabetes.

Cortisol can leave you exhausted and tired–prone to mood swings and poor sleep.

The Effects of Chronic Stress

Here are 8 ways chronic stress negatively impacts your well-being.

1. Chronic stress makes you forgetful and emotional.

Stress decreases your ability to think factually and increases your emotional reactivity.

2. Stress creates a vicious cycle of fear and anxiety.

3. Stress halts the production of new brain cells.

Every day you lose and create new brain cells, but cortisol halts the production of new cells being formed which can lead to a decrease in your ability to think.

4. Stress depletes critical brain chemicals

Chronic stress reduces serotonin and dopamine. (the feel good hormones) and can leave you depressed and more prone to anxiety, addictions, sleeping problems, binge eating, and trouble with impulse control.

5. Stress creates havoc in your relationships

Stress predisposes you to being irritable and frustrated with other people in your life.

6. Stress zaps your thinking process

Stress can cause your brain to seize up at the worst possible times – exams, job interviews, and it diminishes your ability to problem solve.

7. Chronic stress shrinks your brain.

Stress can measurably shrink your hippocampus and prefrontal cortex which is responsible for decision making and control of impulsive behavior.

It can increase your risk for dementia and Alzheimer’s.

8. Chronic stress leads to unhappiness

It wears you down mentally and emotionally, and saps the joy from life.

Stress increases the size of your amygdala, which increases fear and anxiety.

Other Side Effects of Stress:

excessive worry and fear
anger and frustration
impatience with self and others
mood swings, crying spells or suicidal thoughts
insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams
trouble concentrating and learning new information
racing thoughts, nervousness
forgetfulness, mental confusion
difficulty in making decisions
feeling overwhelmed
irritability and overreaction to petty annoyances
excessive defensiveness or suspicion
increased smoking, alcohol, drug use, gambling or impulse buying

It’s no fun experiencing these stress symptoms.

It’s no picnic for those around you either

.

Mindfulness has been proven

to help turn stress around and mitigate it’s effects on the brain.

Here is one mindfulness exercise that needs to become a priority in your life.

Brain research has proved its benefits over and over.

Breathing Stress Relief Technique:

This breathing exercise stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps bring about a state of TRUE CALM.

The more you practice this, the more you will train your body to relax.

Diaphragmatic Breathing Exercise

1. Sit comfortably or lie down.

2. Then slowly inhale through your nose (like you’re smelling a flower)

3. Slowly exhale through your mouth (like you’re blowing out birthday candles)

4. Do this breathing exercise 2x per day for ten to fifteen minutes to reduce stress and anxiety

Research shows that this breathing exercise will physically change the structure of your brain and help alleviate stress!

It seems so simple but don’t underestimate it’s value.

If you’d like to learn more mindfulness techniques to conquer stress and overwhelm in your life, contact Fay to learn about her 6 week mindfulness program.

e-mail: fay@fayprairie.com