Have you BEATEN yourself up lately?

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That’s a rhetorical question.

I should ask–How often have you beaten yourself up?

Most of us are our own worst critic. 

I can’t tell you how many times I hear people beating themselves up, not to mention the times I catch myself doing it.

Like with writing this blog–I’m not consistent.  

So I beat myself up about it. You’re so inconsistent. What’s wrong with you!!! Get it together!!     

Most of us were taught that you should have compassion for others, but were you ever taught that you need to have compassion for yourself first?

The truth is, we often bash ourselves for not being “good enough” and think self-criticism will help us get better.  . 

But research has found that self-criticism, beating yourself up, makes things worse. There’s actually nothing motivating about criticizing yourself.  It makes you feel negative about yourself and it can lead to low self-confidence, anxiety and depression.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, is a powerful way to move out of the rut or challenge you are experiencing.  Once you soften towards yourself, you can move forward with a higher level of confidence.

What is self-compassion?

It’s being warm, kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than attacking ourselves with self-criticism.

When you are compassionate to yourself, you realize that being imperfect, failing, and having difficulties in your life is inevitable.  You are gentle with yourself.

5 Strategies to increase Self-Compassion

 1. Consider how you’d treat someone else. Imagine what you’d do if someone you cared about came to you after failing or getting rejected. What would you say to that person? How would you treat them?

2. Watch your language. You may be so used to criticizing yourself that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. Pay attention to the words you use to speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say the same statements to someone you care about, then don’t say it to yourself.

3. Memorize a set of compassionate phrases. Whenever you find yourself saying, “It’s horrible,” or “I’m horrible.”  it makes you feel worse.  Try some of the following phrases instead.

  • No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes at one time or another.
  • Everyone has times of difficulties in their life.  It’s normal for life to have its ups and downs and I’m not immune from that.
  • It’s ok and I’m ok—I’ll just try to do better next time.
  • Not everybody gets along with everybody.  

4. Acknowledge and accept all of your feelings, whatever they are – anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy. Once you accept and allow them, they will move on. 

5. Give yourself the compassion you crave from others.   As you begin to feel your OWN self-compassion, you will realize how much energy you’ve put into trying to get compassion on the outside and how no matter how much of that you’ve received from someone else, it’s never been enough. 

Here’s to being more loving and kind to yourself!!

It’s a BIGGER DEAL than most realize!!

Practice these 5 steps and see how much better you feel!!

Another benefit is that the higher your level of self-compassion, the easier compassion flows for others too, which can benefit all of your relationships. 

If you’d like to discover how personal life coaching can help you or if you’re looking for a speaker or trainer for a workshop or event, reach out at fay@fayprairie.com or 507-829-0181 and we can set up a time to visit.

The Comparison Virus

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comparingIn a world where we are constantly being told to be rich, pretty, successful and smart, it’s sometimes hard not to compare yourself to others. Envious feelings and feelings of “not being good enough” have a way of creeping up on us. That doesn’t mean we can’t squash it before it goes to war on our self-esteem.

Seven reminders about comparing yourself to others……

 

  1. BE AWARE & ALWAYS ADDRESS

The first step is to become aware of what you are thinking. Catch yourself in the act of comparing yourself to others.  Take a moment to consciously stop yourself, and ask yourself why you feel that way. Those thoughts and feelings say a lot more about your insecurities. Those feelings say something about what’s inside of you. Pinpoint what it is that is making you feel inferior. Try to figure out why it is there.

  1. BE GRATEFUL

Instead of focusing on all the things you don’t have that others do, focus on what you do have and how grateful you are for those things.

 

  1. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR STRENGTHS

You have a lot going for you. Read that again. You have a lot going for you. Each of us have unique skill sets, personalities and perspectives on life that give us individual assets that no one can take from us, and more importantly, that no one else has. Stop discrediting your talents, your skills, and the time & effort you put into your life’s passions! That’s all you, and no one can take that from you.  Right now, take a second to concentrate on your strengths, and be proud of yourself. Next time you’re feeling inferior, remember to take a second to concentrate on your strengths.

 

  1. FOCUS ON YOUR LIFE PATH

No one has the same journey in life. Your road is yours alone, and even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, it holds just as many opportunities and adventures as anyone else’s path. Every day is yours to find something to create, something to learn, and something to find happiness in. Comparing yourself to someone else takes you away from seeing any of that because you’re too busy concentrating on someone else’s road. Stop trying to jump the hedges and stick to your path because it leads to your destination. It may have different bumps and it may take the long way, but you’re going to get to where you’re going as long as you keep walking.

 

  1. BE OK WITH IMPERFECTION

No one is perfect! Not me, not you, not any of your friends.  If you don’t learn to be content with your imperfections, you will drive yourself insane. When you focus on your imperfections, that is all you see. Next time you find yourself picking your “imperfections” apart, look at the whole picture. The less time you spend zeroing in on your  “imperfections”, the less time it’s there.  The only reason you can always see it, is because you’re always looking for it.

 

  1. LOVE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

There is this illusion that “more” equates to “happiness”. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you don’t learn to appreciate and love what you have, it will never be enough and you will never be happy. Money, cars, fitness, whatever– you’ll always want more, and will always find ways to compare what others have to what you don’t. Look at all you have, and know you are blessed to have it. “More” doesn’t equate to “happiness”, happiness equates to more.

 

  1. DISTRACT YOURSELF

If all else fails, distract yourself. Get off the internet, leave the room, do whatever it takes to get yourself into a good headspace. Comparing yourself to others is just about one of the worst ways you could spend your time, so if you’re not in a place to overcome it mentally quite yet, go do something you enjoy, something that will bring you good feelings!

You CAN stop comparing yourself to others!  You CAN do it. You know your strengths, you know your path, you have everything you need and YOU ARE amazing. Basically, you are wonderful!!!!!  Don’t ever forget it!!!!

comparison is the thief of joy