Category Archives: Happiness

Sh_t Happens!

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Relationships fail.

Health goes downhill.

People do and say imperfect and hurtful things. 

Things going on in the world are scary.

Life doesn’t go as planned. 

Everyone suffers. 

Everyone has been dealt difficult things to deal with at some point in their life. 

How do we ‘get on’ in this world when things are so ‘tough’??

When we feel like we have no control?

Focus on the two most powerful things you DO have control over: 

How you frame the problem 

How you frame the solution.

If you frame the problem as 

  • Insurmountable
  • Hopeless
  • Never Ending
  • Destruction of the world
  • Past the point of no return

If you decide to frame the problem that way, Ask Yourself:

How’s that working out for you?

If you frame the solution as

  • Impossible
  • Out of reach
  • Something you could never do 
  • Something you’re incapable of experiencing
  • A solution that would be too time consuming, so why bother?

If you decide to frame the solution that way—ask yourself—

How’s that working out for you?

There is a better way to frame a problem:

  • Everything is figure-out-able (like this problem). 
  • The tough stuff (this problem) will teach me something important.
  • This (problem) is an opportunity to turn things around.
  • The best gifts come wrapped in the roughest sandpaper. 
  • I get to decide who I want to be (as I navigate this problem), even when all seems lost.
  • A diagnosis is not a death sentence, unless I decide that it is.
  • I will take it one day at a time and move forward through this problem. 

There is also a better way to frame a solution 

  • I break this down into smaller pieces-what’s one small step forward I can take right now?
  • Inch by inch is a cinch, yard by yard it’s hard.
  • I’ll be part of the solution, even if the odds seem like they are against me.
  • Every day, I’ll show up and do what I can and take pride in that. 
  • Someone with worse circumstances than me has made it through this; what were they doing and how can I learn from them? 
  • New medical breakthroughs happen, all of the time. 
  • Even if I can’t totally fix the world’s biggest problems, I’ll keep working on me.
  • Time to think outside the box: what’s a solution I haven’t thought of yet?
  • The more I focus on solutions, the more I will increase my feelings of hopefulness. 
  • Even is progress is slow, when one solution is created, it leads to additional solutions.

What You Have Control Over

When your relationship is failing, you get to choose how you frame the problem and the solution.

When your bank account is zero, you get to choose how you frame the problem and the solution.

When politics and world news seem out of control, you get to choose how you frame the problem and the solution.

When the scary diagnosis comes through, you get to choose how you frame the problem and the solution.

Framing the problem and solution in a way that feels more hopeful, more possible, is a power that you do have.

You won’t be able to control your partner, your cash flow, your political leaders, or the diagnosis. 

Framing problems and solutions powerfully doesn’t give you control.

Framing problems and solutions powerfully is about deciding that even amid shitty circumstances, you will choose to stay ‘hopeful’…

It is a declaration that you are the one in charge of your fate and your destiny.

It is a declaration in which you choose the best possibilities even amid bad circumstances.

This is a simple truth: 

If you frame problems as unsolvable and solutions as unavailable, then that is what you will continue to get, over and over.

What you believe will become your reality.

Stop focusing on all the things that are wrong and how hard it all is.

Choose to frame your problems as figure-out-able, even if you don’t have it figured out. 

Choose to consciously frame the solutions as possible. 

At the end of the day, we only have control over one thing—OURSELVES.

This is truly the place where all of our power resides. 

Life problems will always occur!

It’s how you perceive and react to the problem that determines your success or failure.

What will you choose?

I made a video on the power of being able to CHOOSE.

This is a video from the FREE mini series I offer on my website–the ART of CPR and it’s the C which stands for CHOOSE…. If you want to receive all 6 videos–sign up for the FREE Mini Series.

Have you BEATEN yourself up lately?

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That’s a rhetorical question.

I should ask–How often have you beaten yourself up?

Most of us are our own worst critic. 

I can’t tell you how many times I hear people beating themselves up, not to mention the times I catch myself doing it.

Like with writing this blog–I’m not consistent.  

So I beat myself up about it. You’re so inconsistent. What’s wrong with you!!! Get it together!!     

Most of us were taught that you should have compassion for others, but were you ever taught that you need to have compassion for yourself first?

The truth is, we often bash ourselves for not being “good enough” and think self-criticism will help us get better.  . 

But research has found that self-criticism, beating yourself up, makes things worse. There’s actually nothing motivating about criticizing yourself.  It makes you feel negative about yourself and it can lead to low self-confidence, anxiety and depression.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, is a powerful way to move out of the rut or challenge you are experiencing.  Once you soften towards yourself, you can move forward with a higher level of confidence.

What is self-compassion?

It’s being warm, kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than attacking ourselves with self-criticism.

When you are compassionate to yourself, you realize that being imperfect, failing, and having difficulties in your life is inevitable.  You are gentle with yourself.

5 Strategies to increase Self-Compassion

 1. Consider how you’d treat someone else. Imagine what you’d do if someone you cared about came to you after failing or getting rejected. What would you say to that person? How would you treat them?

2. Watch your language. You may be so used to criticizing yourself that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. Pay attention to the words you use to speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say the same statements to someone you care about, then don’t say it to yourself.

3. Memorize a set of compassionate phrases. Whenever you find yourself saying, “It’s horrible,” or “I’m horrible.”  it makes you feel worse.  Try some of the following phrases instead.

  • No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes at one time or another.
  • Everyone has times of difficulties in their life.  It’s normal for life to have its ups and downs and I’m not immune from that.
  • It’s ok and I’m ok—I’ll just try to do better next time.
  • Not everybody gets along with everybody.  

4. Acknowledge and accept all of your feelings, whatever they are – anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy. Once you accept and allow them, they will move on. 

5. Give yourself the compassion you crave from others.   As you begin to feel your OWN self-compassion, you will realize how much energy you’ve put into trying to get compassion on the outside and how no matter how much of that you’ve received from someone else, it’s never been enough. 

Here’s to being more loving and kind to yourself!!

It’s a BIGGER DEAL than most realize!!

Practice these 5 steps and see how much better you feel!!

Another benefit is that the higher your level of self-compassion, the easier compassion flows for others too, which can benefit all of your relationships. 

If you’d like to discover how personal life coaching can help you or if you’re looking for a speaker or trainer for a workshop or event, reach out at fay@fayprairie.com or 507-829-0181 and we can set up a time to visit.

Is this ingredient missing in your life?

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What if I told you that if you started to include this ingredient in your life you could:

  • Improve your physical and mental health.
  • Increase your happiness.
  • Relieve stress.
  • Increase your connection with others.
  • Make your work more pleasurable.

Wouldn’t you want it in your life?

There’s not a pill you can swallow, but it’s really not that hard to do either.

You just need to PLAY and have FUN!

How hard can that be?

Turns out that for some adults, it has become difficult.

Sometimes, we’re too serious. 

We’re too focused on work and commitments

Even when we do schedule downtime,

It’s often in front of the TV or computer screen.

We used to PLAY and have FUN when we were younger.

It seems that along with age we lose the ability to PLAY and have FUN.

Yesterday, we took our grandsons, (four and six) to a state park.

We skipped rocks on the lake.

We screamed while riding our bikes down some BIG hills.

We watched the deer running in the woods.

We had a picnic.

We had FUN.

What’s sad is that my husband and I wouldn’t have done that by ourselves.

What about you?

Are you having FUN in your life?

Do you schedule daily PLAY?

It’s so important and has so many benefits.

Benefits

Relieves Stress

Having Fun reduces the stress hormone cortisol in your system. Cortisol lowers your immune system, affects your sleep, makes you more irritable so lowering it benefits your life in many ways.

Improves the quality of your Relationships

When you’re having run together, it’s easier to let offenses go.  It’s easier to laugh things off and let minor irritations go. (which helps avoid conflicts!)

Increases Serotonin

Having fun is a natural way to increase the “feel good” hormones in your body.  When you feel good, everything goes better.

Increases Motivation

When people are having fun, they are happier and when they are happier, they are more productive.  Businesses are starting to understand that productivity and connection go hand in hand.  You’re starting to see foosball tables, basketball hoops, beanbag tournaments at work so people can PLAY and have FUN during their breaks.

Sleep Better

Playing and having FUN can aid you in sleeping.  It can even work better than a prescription.

Helps you be more POSITIVE

Playing and having FUN can help you see problems in a different light.  It can help you to be more creative and solution oriented.  It can help you to break out of overwhelm and burnout to see things in a more positive way.

Laughter is the best medicine

We laugh more when we PLAY.

So, in light of all the benefits, it may be wise to schedule some CHILDISH playtime into your day!

Be open to FUN!

Be spontaneous!

Be Creative!

Right now due to the COVID 19, our daily routines have changed.

Use this as an opportunity to change things up and add some FUN and PLAY time into your daily schedule.

We need this more than ever!

HAVE FUN!!

THE KEY TO CHANGING YOUR LIFE, IS TO BECOME AWARE OF YOUR THOUGHTS.

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thoughtsIf you are looking to change your life in any way, the way to start is by becoming aware of your thoughts.

OUR THOUGHTS HOLD THE POWER

TO CHANGE OUR LIVES

There was a point in my life where I KNEW I NEEDED TO FIND SOME STRENGTH FROM SOMEWHERE…..

So, I found myself on that path of self exploration. I was so incredibly desperate for a change that I submerged myself into reading, studying, exploring, trying to find anything to give me hope! Something to recreate my happiness! 

I read just about everything in sight & am so grateful that I did!

Each & every day that I read new articles, books, etc., I started discovering so many amazing tools & I began to implement them into my daily life, which started the entire process of change within me!

ONE OF THE MANY & MOST AMAZING GIFTS FROM THIS EXPERIENCE WAS THE DISCOVERY OF BECOMING AWARE OF MY THOUGHTS!

I will never forget reading that first book about the power that our thoughts hold. It was so incredibly enlightening!

THAT SAYING, “CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE” will forever stick with me.

Your thoughts–The way you interpret, judge and label a person, situation or event determines how you feel.

We are all constantly labeling and interpreting things as good, bad, right, or wrong.

You have been conditioned by things that happened in your childhood and by your family, friends, teachers and the media to think and interpret events in certain ways.

These thoughts have become habitual and pop into your mind, often without being noticed. They are often believed without being questioned or challenged and they give personal meaning to all the situations and people you encounter.

If we were to observe, and take time to objectively analyze and review our thoughts we would realize that some of them are unrealistic and exaggerated. Some of them are even toxic.

Thoughts can go by undetected in a millisecond. 

“I can’t stand it.” 

Or a half-second image of a terrifying event flies through your mind.

Maybe you interpret the actions of another—

“She’s bored.”  “She’s irritated with me.” “He’s putting me down.”

Or you may think,

“I can’t handle this again,” “It will never get better,” “Nothing works for me.”

 Some thoughts add more stress to already stressful situations.

 

Then there’s the self-judgmental thoughts:

“ I handled that like such an idiot,” “Why did I say that,” “I should have known better”

Our internal storylines—how we think—can make even the most challenging times feel far, far worse than they actually are.

Our mental thought habits often skew our

perspective in negative ways.

Do these thought exercises:

  • Reflect on a past decision that went well and one that wasn’t your finest.
  • Picture an ideal future for you and one that worries you.
  • Focus on what makes you most proud about yourself and then what you least like.

For each pair, what holds your attention longer?

For most of us, the negative one has far more power.

If ten things go perfectly one day but you feel you screwed up one interaction, which hangs around that evening?

This hard-wired negative bias takes effort to manage.

We are taught from a very young age that nutritious foods are good for our body

What we are often not taught is how our body is deeply impacted by our thoughts.

…..Thoughts either support you or they don’t.

…..Some can be helpful and effective.

…..Others can be limiting, negative, and harmful.

…..A lot of thoughts can be just mental noise, nothing important.

To know which ones are beneficial and which ones aren’t, we have to first be AWARE of them.

Mindfulness helps us to OBSERVE and RECOGNIZE our thoughts.

The clearer you see and recognize your thoughts, the more you realize that choosing some of them over others benefits you significantly.

TRY TO BE CONSCIOUS OF YOUR THOUGHTS FOR A SINGLE DAY. 

From sunup to sundown, become an observer of the self-talk and thoughts that are going through your mind.

Don’t judge your thoughts but just observe them.

Notice when you have negative, judgmental or self-critical thoughts.

SELF MONITORING or being the OBSERVER of your own thoughts is one of the simplest and most powerful cognitive-behavioral tools to change a negative thought pattern.

You can’t change something that you aren’t even aware of.

Our thoughts have tremendous power if we believe them.

The process of noticing them will help you immensely in becoming more aware and less reactive to negative thoughts that drain your energy and limit your growth.

I can honestly say that becoming aware of my thoughts has been one of the absolute best skills I’ve ever learned.  It’s helped me in countless ways in my life.

When you become aware of your thoughts, you can actively start to filter them. Awareness allows you to stop and decide if you want to believe this thought or not.

AWARENESS GIVES YOU A CHOICE

If you’d like help to recognize and change your thought patterns, reach out to Fay to set up a FREE, NO OBLIGATION 30 minute phone call to see how personal life coaching can benefit you.