What type of FEELINGS are your habitual THOUGHTS
producing?
When
you change your thoughts, you change your feelings,
and when you change your feelings, you change your behavior
and when you change your behavior, you get different results
in life.
WHAT ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR!
Have you ever done a search on google? or I should say
–when you do a search on google……
Do you search for what you want?
or
Do you search for what you don’t want?
Ridiculous, right?
Why would you search for something you don’t want?
Yet, in our life, we often do this.
Our brains are like google.
Our mind is doing searches all day
long.
You’d be surprised how much you
search for things you don’t want!
…..Reasons you’re so sad
…..Reasons you can’t get something done.
…..Reasons why you’re not quick enough
…..Things you don’t like about yourself
…..Things you don’t like about your spouse
…..Things you don’t like about other people
…..How disorganized you are
…..All the things you should already have done
…..Everything that’s going wrong
…..The things you dislike about your life Ø
…..Why you should feel guilty
…..Why you should be embarrassed
The list can go on and on and on and
on………………..
Your brain is just like google.
It’s an obedient servant and it will come back with
answers for all of these.
It will tell you what’s wrong with you, why you can’t get
things done, why you’re so disorganized and on and on.
What if you changed your google search to look for the things
YOU WANT?
…..Reasons you have to be happy
…..Reasons why you can accomplish so much
…..Reasons why you’re so efficient at getting things
accomplished
…..Things you love about yourself
…..Things you love about your spouse
…..Things you admire in other people
…..How organized you are
…..All the things you’ve accomplished
…..Everything that’s going right in your life
…..The things you truly love about your life
…..Everything that’s wonderful about the relationship
you’re in
Again, your brain is just like GOOGLE and it will come back with
all the answers.
It will tell you all the reasons you have to be happy, all
the things you’ve accomplished and everything that’s going great in your life.
But to get the BEST results, you have to search
for those things that you DO WANT in your life.
“He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.” Chinese Proverb
What’s
one hard thing you need to start to
do
right now to make your life better?
Does that voice in your head start to say–
…..I can’t do it.
What if it goes awful?
What if they get upset?
What if I fail?
What if I embarrass myself?
What if it never works?
What if I’m not good enough?
What if it’s a total waste of time?
Our mind continues to build that list of worries in our
minds.
Pretty soon, we’ve talked ourselves out of doing whatever
it is that would make our lives easier.
We all have fears and worries and they never really go away.
When I first started writing a newsletter and blog, I
would ask all those questions.
Especially in the beginning.
I pushed myself to do it anyway despite all the
uncomfortable feelings I had about it.
It’s true that doing hard things makes you stronger.
That’s the way you grow.
You push through that uncomfortable feeling.
It took a long time for that feeling of dread and fear to
subside.
It’s still there but not near as intense as it used to be.
I have made progress and part of that is due to the people
who would send me comments and say that some information I put out there really
helped them.
That motivated me to keep going.
EVER JUMPED OFF THE HIGH DIVING BOARD?
When I was a kid in swimming lessons and we had to jump
off the high diving board, I was so SCARED!
In fact, I chickened out last minute and squeezed by
everyone in line to HASTILY get back down that ladder.
I COULDN’T do it.
I was too SCARED.
Eventually I made myself feel the fear and do it anyway (probably because I was too embarrassed when everyone else was
doing it)
Then I actually learned to LOVE jumping off the high
diving board.
IMAGINE THAT!
Not only did I become comfortable with it, but I actually
ENJOYED it!
When we do the thing we fear the most, the action of doing
it is what CURES our fear.
Is there some area of your life where you need to move
beyond your fear and just do it? (Nike
really has a good slogan)
There are still other areas of my life where I need to
embrace this concept.
I’m a work in progress.
But since I’ve succeeded in some areas of my life, I know
that it’s possible to move beyond that uncomfortable feeling in other areas.
Mel Robbins, author of, “The Five Second Rule”
says-when you think of the thing you need to do-immediately say 5-4-3-2-1 and
then DO IT.
If you think too much, you’ll talk yourself right out of
it.
You’ll let fear, uncertainty, and that uncomfortable
feeling rule your life.
Here are four tips to help you REIGN in the uncomfortable
feeling and DO IT anyway!
#1 AWARENESS-
The first step is always being mindful and aware of what’s
going on inside of you.
…..What are you afraid of?
…..What’s behind your fear?
For me, (putting my information out there) is a fear of
not being good enough, sounding stupid, looking stupid-being criticized.
In other words, I have some self-doubt about my ability
and I want to be certain that it’s going to give value to people.
We can’t always have the certainty that we think we need.
Sometimes we just have to 5-4-3-2-1 and DO IT!
#2 Be Honest
In what areas of your life are you letting that
uncomfortable feeling hold you back?
You may be doing great moving forward in some areas of
your life, but be honest-what are some things you could be doing that you
aren’t because of fear or that vulnerable feeling?
I do speaking and I honestly admit that I let
uncomfortable feelings hold me back from calling to introduce myself to people
who may benefit from my speaking programs.
Although I’ve grown in many areas, there are still areas
that I let fear, doubt, and insecurity hold me back.
What areas in your life are you letting
those feelings hold you back?
………Something at work you could be doing?
……….A conversation you’re avoiding?
……….Something you need to do to reach a goal?
Be honest, what could you be doing that you’re allowing
your feelings to paralyze you from doing?
#3 Accept it
…..Notice It
…..Admit It
…..Accept It.
Everyone experiences those vulnerable, uncomfortable
feelings that hold them back from doing something.
It’s completely normal so don’t fight it, allow yourself
to notice it, admit it and accept it.
Something might be easy for someone and really scary or
uncomfortable for someone else.
Everyone has an area of their life in which feelings of
vulnerability are holding them back.
#4 Feel the fear and do it anyway.
…..Go have that conversation.
…..Go make that phone call.
…..Go apologize to someone.
…..Go apply for that job.
…..Go ask for that raise.
…..Go talk to your boss.
…..Go talk to that client.
…..Go talk to your spouse.
…..Go tackle that project.
…..Go ask for what you need.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
It probably won’t be near as bad as you think it will.
5-4-3-2-1 DO IT (As Mel Robbins would say)
Don’t think too much!
Let go of any time you’ve failed in the past-
…..A failed conversation
…..A failed relationship
…..A failed attempt at doing something
And put yourself out there.
This quote from Marianne Williamson has always been one of
my favorites.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do….And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Have you ever been around someone who had so many SHOULDS
that it was impossible to be around them without being corrected or feeling
criticized?
It’s like you can just feel the judgement emanating out of
them.
People who use too many SHOULDS, OUGHTS, MUSTS and HAVE
TO’S are very demanding and judgmental and they make life miserable for
themselves and others.
People who have very high demands of others tend to have
way more problems in their relationships.
SHOULDS, OUGHTS and MUSTS create anger and frustration.
You SHOULD have done this.
You SHOULD have done that.
You SHOULD have said this.
You SHOULD have said that.
People who have demands also have more guilt.
I SHOULD have done this.
I SHOULD have done that.
When people can minimize their demands, and change their
“SHOULDS” into preferences, they can massively increase their peace
and happiness and improve their relationships. (not to mention lowering their
stress and anxiety)
Start to catch yourself each time you say a SHOULD on someone.
Change the SHOULD into a request or a preference.
Instead of angrily saying,
“You SHOULD have called me and told me you’d be late.”
You can say….
“I wish you would have called me and told me you’d be late.”
Instead of DEMANDING:
“You SHOULD stay home with me!”
You can say,
“I’d prefer that you stay home with me tonight.”
Try changing-SHOULD into–
“I wish”
“I’d prefer”
“I’d like”
See what happens.
The fewer SHOULDS you use, the better off you
AND the people in your life will be.
Not every SHOULD is going to create a problem.
It’s more the demanding SHOULDS that need to be watched.
But to be on the safe side, you can just start to practice
using–
“I
prefer” or “I’d really like it if…”
instead
of “you SHOULD”….
How
SHOULDS impacted Jack’s life:
Jack had had more rules and regulations than the Army,
Navy and Air Force combined.
No wonder he was on his 3rd marriage and having issues
with co-workers.
Jack also had an estranged relationship with his brother
because Jack had so many SHOULDS about what his brother SHOULD be doing in his
life.
Jack decided to stop deciding what others SHOULD and
SHOULDN’T do.
When Jack started managing his “SHOULDS” his
life changed for the better.
An enormous burden was lifted from his shoulders.
He stopped taking life so seriously and lightened up.
Many people are unwilling or unable to drop their SHOULDS.
“You SHOULD have known better!”
“You SHOULD stop doing that!”
“You SHOULD handle it this way!”
Allow yourself to drop yours!
Give yourself permission to let them go!
Catch your SHOULDS
Change them into preferences or wishes:
“I WISH you’d stop doing that.”
“I’d PREFER that you did it this way.”
Try it out.
See how much better you feel!
Remember that small changes done consistently and
persistently add up to BIG results.
