Four NEGATIVE thoughts that keep us STUCK

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stuck in a rutHave you ever tried to:

  • Lose weight?
  • Improve your relationship?
  • Not get upset with someone?
  • Not worry?
  • Complete a challenging project?

And felt COMPLETELY STUCK…..as if you just can’t do it!

We’ve all felt like we’re drowning in mud.

times you feel stuck and confused.

You want to move. You should move. You have to move. But you can’t.

Right now, think of a goal or something you’ve really been wanting to change.

Now, see if you’ve ever used any of the four NEGATIVE things we say that keep us stuck and how you can reframe them into something positive.

NEGATIVE Statement #1

I’ve tried everything! 

Have you really tried everything? Usually we’ve tried 4-5 things.

Then we start to tell ourselves,

  • “It didn’t work for me.”
  • “It’s not possible for me.”
  • “I just can’t do it.”
  • “I might as well give up.”

This statement halts us from continuing to put forth effort.

What this statement really does is give us an excuse to ‘quit trying’.

We back off and give up too soon.

It’s just a story that we tell ourselves—but, it’s not a true story.

There are lots of new ways to keep trying.

Ask yourself:

  • “Who can I ask to help me?”
  • “Who can I ask for ideas?”

What’s really sad is that success could be right around the corner.

We may have failed a lot but the truth is that failure brings us closer and closer to achieving that which we desire.

With each failure, we learn and each time we learn we continue to do it a little better.

Each time you try something and fail, you are getting closer!

Keep asking yourself:

  • What else can I try?
  • What can I do different? 

“Don’t carry your mistakes around with you.

Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.”

 

NEGATIVE Statement #2

That works for them but it doesn’t work for me.

Ever catch yourself thinking,

  • “I’m not like them.”
  • “They have what it takes.  I don’t.”
  • “They were just born that way, I wasn’t.”
  • “They’re just different than me.”

We continually compare ourselves to others and we often come up short.

  • “They’re more outgoing.”
  • “They’re smarter.”
  • “They’re more talented.”
  •  “They’re more skilled.”

The truth often is that they’ve worked hours on developing their skills and talents. It didn’t always come natural for them either. They’ve just invested the time and energy on polishing the skills needed.

They trained, conditioned, practiced and kept getting better and better and better.

You just have to put in the miles.

 

Truthfully — sometimes it’s not easy for anyone, but if they can do it, why can’t you?

You can think of a million excuses and explanations but the truth is—quite often– There really isn’t any reason you can’t do it; it’s just your thoughts lying to you.

Replace it with a new mantra—Chant the new mantra over and over.

 

  • “I can do it.”
  • “It’s possible.”
  • “If they can do it, then why can’t I”

How can I start working and training so I can have that too—so I can be that way too??

Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.
— Henry Ford

NEGATIVE Statement #3

You don’t understand.

You don’t understand- you don’t get it-you don’t know what it’s like for me.  It’s different for me, it’s harder for me, you don’t know what my life has been like.

Again, it’s a negative statement that holds us back. Then you quit.  You think people can’t understand your journey—what’s happened to you—what you’re going through.

They’ve never gone through what I have…there life is easier.

It’s a statement that gives you permission to only give it a half-hearted attempt.

We’ve all had some special situation in our life-one that we can use as an excuse to say that it’s not possible for us.

Reframe-

There have been many people who have faced difficult challenges in their life—but didn’t use them as an excuse to hold them back—but rather as fuel to move them forward.

  • Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four years old.
  • Jim Carrey used to be homeless.
  • Richard Branson has dyslexia.
  • Stephen King’s first novel was rejected 30 times.
  • Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times before creating the lightbulb. 

There are people who have had obstacle after obstacle and still reached their goals—people who have had a way harder journey than us yet they still made it –they still accomplished what they were out to do.

So, when you want to say you don’t understand—think of some of those people and again say,

“If they can do it, then I can do it.”

 

NEGATIVE STATEMENT #4

It’s easier said than done. It’s too hard.

That’s true with everything!

Everything is easier to say than it is to do it.

I’m going to go get ice cream from fridge—is easier said than done.

That saying is true about everything.

Everything is easier said than done–But we often let it stop us from doing it.

Our bodies try to keep us in our comfort zone.  So when we try to change something—a bad habit—a way our relationship has been–we convince ourselves it’s too hard—and then we don’t try very hard.

It’s a negative statement that holds us back.

If you’re struggling trying to get ahead and make changes-try changing what you’re saying to yourself.

Watch your internal talk because when we say pessimistic statements, they have a lot of power over our life.

Most of us are in constant mental chatter. We talk to ourselves all day long 24/7… and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in reaching our goals.

Instead of saying-I’ve tried everything,  Say: “What else can I try?”

Instead of saying “That works for them but it doesn’t work for me.” Say—“If they can do it, then I can do it!”

Instead of saying “You don’t understand,” Say—“How can I become the person that can accomplish that?”

Instead of saying “It’s easier said than done—It’s too hard” –Say– “Everything is easier said than done but where there’s a will, there’s a way.  I’ll figure it out.”

Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us great rewards!!!.

It’s easy to be a pessimist.  It takes a conscientious effort to be an optimist.

Your thoughts and words are determining your life.

How is your Reticular Activation System Impacting your Life?

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groceries 2How does a mini mart decide what to stock for groceries?

It decides to stock and keep on hand what customers keep asking for over and over again.

The same happens for you.

Your mind zooms in on whatever you focus on over and over again.

Your mind says,

  • “That must be what’s important to you if you keep focusing on it!”
  • “That must be what you want if you keep visualizing it.”

What are you focusing on the most?

What you want? or What you don’t want?

If you truly believed that you get what you focus on, which one would you focus on?

We can’t possibly focus on everything or we’d definitely go into overload.

Therefore our mind has to reduce, filter and narrow it down so the conscious mind can handle it.

That’s where the RAS or reticular activation system comes into play.

The RAS is a bundle of nerves at our brain stem that filters out unnecessary information so the important stuff gets through.

  • It’s the reason you learn a new word and then start hearing it everywhere.
  • It’s why you can tune out a crowd full of talking people, yet immediately snap to attention when someone says your name.
  • It’s the reason why you suddenly start seeing black Chevy impalas everywhere after you buy one. 
  • It’s the reason you start seeing a commercial after someone tells you about it.

Your RAS is like a filter that sifts through all the data and presents only the pieces that are important to you. (this all happens beneath your awareness)

The RAS seeks information that validates your beliefs, experiences and newly gathered information in your life.

If you believe you are bad at giving speeches, your RAS will filter in the data that shows you are bad at giving speeches and filter out the data that shows you’re good at giving speeches.

If your experience is that you can’t lost weight, it will present the data that proves you can’t lose weight, and filter out the data that shows you can.

If you just read new information on how to prevent heart disease, you’ll start seeing and noticing more information on preventing heart disease.

Your RAS is like the grocery store in that it will keep supplying you with the things your mind is focusing on.

If you continually focus on why your partner, mother-in-law or co-worker is such a nasty, terrible person—then your RAS will keep bringing that information to your attention.

Our beliefs ultimately determine what our RAS filters in and out.

If you believe that a change you want in your life can’t happen, (you’ll never be able to take that trip, you’ll never have any extra money, you’ll never have a job you enjoy, etc) your RAS will filter in all the reasons you are absolutely right and you will have a really hard time seeing any of the ways the change you want can happen. (it will be almost impossible for you to see ways you can take that trip, ways you can get extra money, or believing that you can have a job you enjoy)

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If people want to change what the gas station keeps in stock for groceries, they’ll have to change what they keep purchasing and asking for over and over.

If you want to change something in your life, you need to change what you continually keep focusing on and visualizing in your mind over and over, thus allowing your RAS to change the information that is filtered in.

What might your RAS be filtering out that’s preventing you from having what you want in your life?

If you focus on, visualize and believe that being in a relationship is too difficult and too much work, your RAS won’t even let you see all the reasons it could be easy, wonderful or great.  (which isn’t going to motivate or help you with having a great relationship)

If you focus on, visualize and believe that your relationship could be fun, fulfilling and rewarding, your RAS will filter in those experiences (thus giving you more motivation to develop great relationships)

When you focus on what you want.  (a great relationship, a job you love, going on a vacation or whatever it is you’d really like)

Your RAS will help reveal the people, the opportunities, and the actions needed to help you achieve those goals.

In life, It’s easy to quit and think that something just isn’t possible.

On the contrary, it’s POSSIBLE for you to train your brain to focus on what you really want.  Then your RAS will go to work and help you see ways in which you can make it happen. It will filter in data and information that gives you creative ideas and thoughts you wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Start with these three steps to get your RAS working for you.

STEP ONE:

Pick one area of your life and think of a goal or situation you want–If I could do or have anything I want in that area of my life, what would it be?

STEP TWO

Envision a detailed outcome of what you want. (so clear that if your fairy Godmother came—she’d know exactly what you wanted.)

STEP THREE

Create a mental movie with sounds, conversations, visuals. Replay it often in your mind.

(The more you ‘daydream’ about your goals and the desired outcomes, the bigger your chances of reaching them, as this helps your RAS stay focused on your desired outcome.)

STEP FOUR

Pay attention, follow through and take action on the hints, clues and creative ideas that you receive.  (That’s your intuition providing you with a plan of action to get you to where you want to go.)

Once you start paying attention and following through, more ideas for action steps will be provided for you. You’ll start to gain momentum towards reaching your goals!

 

Remember–The picture you hold the most in your mind is always the one that wins.  It’s the picture that you focus on over and over that you are asking for the most.  That’s the one that will get stocked or show up in your life.

What Intentions are you Setting?

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mapAre you following a map or are you just winging it and hoping for the best?

Setting an intention is like following a map.

If you continue to drive down the road without  a map and a specific destination, you never really know where you’ll end up.

Having a clear intention is like taking time to plan your trip so you end up where you want to be.

You are actually setting intentions constantly

without even knowing you are doing so.

Are you consciously choosing your intentions?

or

Are you randomly letting your mind choose them?

If you’d like to be a better person, have better relationships, and live a better life– start having a clear intention about who you want to be in your relationships.

When you know who you want to be and you start following that map, you’ll have a much better chance ending up where you want to be.

This may be common sense, but are you doing it?

  • Before you went into your last meeting at work, did you set an intention for who you wanted to be and how you wanted to interact with others?
  • Before your last phone call, did you set an intention of how you wanted to come across, your tone, your mood, your level of concern?
  • The last time you were out with friends, did you set an intention for the person you wanted to be?  Energetic, upbeat, friendly?
  • The last time you had to deal with a conflict, did you set an intention to be a better listener, to put your defenses down? , to be empathetic? To be respectful and assertive?

How can you set intentions?

STEP ONE: Use questions to help yourself set intention in your relationships.

  • How can I be a better person in this upcoming situation or conversation?
  • How can I interact in ways that will help lead to solutions?

STEP TWO: Use your imagination to pre-pave the way.

  • See yourself consciously and consistently creating positive interactions with others.

STEP THREE: Ask yourself, “How do I want to be remembered?”

STEP FOUR: Take time to identify your intentions.

  • I intend to bring positive energy to this conversation.
  • I intend to truly listen.
  • I intend to be appreciative.
  • I intend to be understanding and empathetic.
  • I intend to be open minded.
  • I intend to choose my response versus reacting.
  • I intend to stop taking things personally.
  • I intend to forgive others, and myself.
  • I intend to be more thoughtful.
  • I intend to be kind and fair.
  • I intend to be respectful.

When you set positive intentions, you are sending out positive vibrations stating ‘this is what i would like in this experience’.

This process will help you focus your thoughts on what it is that you want which therefore brings happy experiences into your life where there may not have been if you had not pre-paved the way.

And like all processes, the more you apply it, the more skilled you become and the more fun it is, and the more effective your results will be.

You’ll feel better, your relationships

will be better and your life will go better!

Is this stealing your energy and joy?

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comparison is the thief of joy“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt

We all do it right? Compare ourselves to other people … assuming they have it all under CONTROL:

  • The family
  • The job or amazing business
  • A great figure and dress sense
  • Intelligent and articulate
  • Great hair and nails

We all have a tendency to compare ourselves to others and the sad part is that our comparisons are usually unfair, biased and usually make us “less than” or sometimes “better than”….

Comparing Yourself to Others can be destructive!

1.Comparison belittles our own achievements

When we compare we take away from what we have achieved. It often makes us feel like we’ll NEVER be good enough. There will always be someone who makes more money, drives a better car, lives in a nicer, newer house, is more organized, and seems happier.

2. Comparison steals your energy

Negative feelings often result when you compare and that drains your energy.

Comparison can go ON and ON

It starts with the small things, how they dress compared to you, how confident they come across, how outgoing and talkative they are, the way they parent and ends with your feeling really low about yourself.

3.Comparisons are often based on      what you perceive and NOT the truth

You DO NOT know what is happening in people’s lives behind closed doors. Facebook, for example is a show reel and people select the highlights to share.  People often wear a mask in public, so you may be comparing to something that isn’t even “reality.”

4. Comparison does not give us happiness and pleasure. It is a losing game.

What positive emotions come from comparison? If you feel other people are further ahead … you’ll feel down. If you feel they are behind you, you’ll feel pity and sorry for them.

5. Comparison is based on FEELING not TRUTH

What is the metric in comparing salary, happiness, house size, car and holiday destinations … it’s not comparing apples and apples. One person’s dream house is another’s nightmare. It does not serve ANYONE to compare.

Not only can comparisons steal our joy, but they can really destroy our confidence and belief in ourselves.

Only COMPARE you to you.   … STRIVE to be A LITTLE BIT better each day

for yourself and for the ones’ you love.

Celebrate each small step forward that you make into who you want to be.

Only look to others to find the things you’d like to work on and improve.  Don’t compare yourselves to them.

You are wonderful and exactly who you are suppose to be!!