What are you Assuming?

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assumptionsMost Disagreements are the

Result of Faulty Assumptions.

 

If in doubt, ASK…

Once while hiking in the mountains a man observed two other men across the valley also walking along a narrow pathway. They were just far enough away that he could hear them talking, but could only make out the muffled sound of their voices.

All the sudden one of the men turned to the other, shouted loudly at the top of his voice, and then violently shoved his companion off the pathway.

The man rolled down the steep embankment to the bottom of the ravine unharmed.

Because of his perspective and his rushing to a conclusion, the observer “assumed” he had just witnessed a violent act, but what he didn’t see was the huge rattlesnake the man was about to step on before his friend bravely pushed him out of harms way.

What he didn’t hear were the words of an impassioned warning – he “assumed” they were words of anger.

We all tend to do this quite frequently.

 

We interpret information through our own filter and make faulty assumptions.

The sad thing is that most of our assumptions are negative.

  • You said that on purpose to hurt, blame, or criticize me, etc.
  • You did that on purpose; you know how much it bothers me.
  • I know how they’ll react so I’m not even going to bring it up.
  • He/she isn’t talking much so they must be upset.
  • They should know what to do, what I need, how they should behave, what’s going on……etc.

The list of assumption goes on and on.

We’re really not near as good as we think are at mind reading.

Mind reading leads to more resentment and anger than we really need to have.

Be open-minded, ask questions, gather details before you make an assumption.

Communicate to people how you feel and what you need them to do.

Don’t assume that they should know.

 

Why?

You can save yourself a lot of anguish!!

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Fay Prairie is a counselor, personal life coach and speaker specializing in personal development, relationships and empowering mindsets. She helps set you free from stress and negativity so you can start creating a Better You…Better Relationships…Better Life…

Fay also provides workshops and trainings.  Check out her speaking page by  Clicking Here

Contact Fay to set up a FREE 30 minute call to discover how Personalized Life Coaching can help you to begin making positive changes in your life!   (e-mail fay@fayprairie.com or call 507-829-0181) 

If you were surfing, would you rather land in the rocks or the sand?

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rocks or sand without ogoWhen you learn to surf, you’re taught that you will always head towards that which you keep looking at.

Would you rather land on the rough edged rocks or the sandy beach?

In life, when you dwell on what could go wrong, you head for the rocks.

The ROCKS

  • I have no idea how to do this.
  • What if I put in all this time and effort and nothing changes anyway.
  • Who am I trying to kid—I don’t have what it takes.
  • Things will never be the way I want them to be.
  • Things will never get better.

Why not dwell on what could go right, and land on the soft sand.

The SOFT SAND

  • It’s going to be so awesome to figure this out.
  • I can’t wait till things start turning out the way I want them to be.
  • It’s going to be so freeing and exciting to finally head a different direction in my life.
  • How amazing it will be when I can make and create my life to be the way I want it to be.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE –you can focus on the ROCKS or you can focus on the SAND.

Which reality are you going to focus on?

Which brings you more joy?

Why waste your time dwelling on worst case scenarios?

Making assumptions that things will never change anyway?

Why prepare for doom?

Why be pessimistic?

Why worry about the things happening that we don’t want to happen?

Especially when you can focus on how amazing it’s going to be when you create that great relationship, get that job you want, make the changes you want to make and move towards that goal you want to reach.

When you focus on how wonderful and exciting it will be when things turn out, you feel HAPPY.

When you feel HAPPY, it will give you more MOMENTUM and MOTIVATION to make those changes.

It takes the same amount of energy, why not think about things turning out just like you want them to instead of how you don’t want them to?

Why not feel better?

Feel more excited?

Feel more joy and happiness?

You’ll have less anxiety and worry in your life.

The soft sand will feel so much better than the jagged, rugged rocks!

The newest research in neuroplasticity proves that you have the capability to do this; you can retrain your brain through repetition and practice.

If you’d like to learn more about how you can implement this in your life, contact Fay.

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Fay Prairie is a counselor, personal life coach and speaker specializing in personal development, relationships and empowering mindsets. She helps set you free from stress and negativity so you can start creating a Better You…Better Relationships…Better Life…

Fay also provides workshops and trainings.  Check out her speaking page by  Clicking Here

Contact Fay to set up a FREE 30 minute call to discover how Personalized Life Coaching can help you to begin making positive changes in your life!   (e-mail fay@fayprairie.com or call 507-829-0181) 

Wanna know 5 Secrets to a Happy, Fulfilled Life?

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secretWanna know 5 Secrets to a happy, successful life?

 

Would you like to have less stress, less anxiety and more peace, happiness and success in your life?

What is it that happy, successful people do different?

 

Start implementing these 5 secrets in your life and watch the changes begin!

 

Secret One: Let the PAST go.

There are some things that have happened to you in your past that you just need to be finished with! Stop turning around and looking back.

There are some bridges that you should never cross again. Your past should be just that…your past. Learn what you can and then stop replaying it in your mind! Look positively to the future! You have comeback power!

 

Secret Two: Think POSITIVE–words have POWER!

Suspend your disbelief and negative talk; pull yourself up with your words. Say to yourself….”Yes I can”….”Yes I will”…… “I got this.”

Remind yourself how much strength and power you have inside of you to make it through any situation.

Be deliberate about setting up your day to win. Whatever you feed your mind in the first 30 minutes of the day will impact the path of your day. Saturate yourself with positive words that fuel your energy. Your thoughts really do create your feelings. Choose them intentionally and wisely!

 

Secret Three: Avoid head TRASH.

Don’t be a garbage can for anything that does not feed your intellect, stimulate your imagination, or make you a more compassionate peaceful person.

Refuse to open your mind to other people’s trash–avoid negative conversations with people who will drag you down and get you off course.

Head trash can infect you with a mind virus of negativity and defeat and that won’t help move you forward.

 

Secret Four: Believe in POSSIBILITIES

Don’t stop now! Your breakthrough may be right around the corner. The last mile is often the longest one… Refresh your attitude and adjust your thinking to one of POSSIBILITIES — you can still create amazing results in your relationships, career, health or finances.

Challenge yourself to become more creative and determined to find solutions that will turn your life around. You may be surprised at the breakthroughs and solutions that will come your way.

 

Secret Five: Selectively choose what NOURISHES you

Stay connected with people who inspire and bring out the best in you. Read, listen and focus on positive things.

It takes a conscientious effort to keep yourself in a positive mindset, especially if you are going through difficulties and emotionally trying times in your life.

PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE………………

 

Make an effort to implement these five success principals in your life so you can strengthen yourself and improve every area of your life, both personal and professional.

Remember, you have the capacity and ability to build the life you desire.

_____________________________________________________

Fay Prairie is a personal life coach and speaker specializing in relationships and empowering mindsets. She helps set you free from stress, negativity AND FRUSTRATION so you can start creating a life and relationships that you’re excited to wake up to!

Fay also provides workshops and trainings.  Check out her speaking page by  Clicking Here

Contact Fay to set up a FREE 30 minute call to discover how Personalized Life Coaching can help you to begin making positive changes in your life!   (e-mail fay@fayprairie.com or call 507-829-0181) 

call today discover how coaching can benefit you

Are you seeing the whole picture?

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eyeIs “Confirmation Bias” Hurting Your Relationships?

What Is Confirmation Bias?
It’s seeing what you expect to see!

You tend to just look for things that support what you believe to be true versus seeing the whole big picture!

Let’s look at how this can affect your relationships!

Dan is always “crabby” and “negative”……

  • You are always looking for times when Dan is crabby or negative to confirm your biased opinion that he is crabby and negative.
  • You ignore the times he is happy and positive because that would conflict with what you believe.

Sally never picks up after herself.

  • You always look for the times Sally leaves things lay around and confirm to yourself-“there she goes again.”
  • You completely miss the times Sally puts things away as that would conflict with your existing belief.

Joe never shares his thoughts and feelings.

  • You continually focus on the times Joe does this-“there he goes again” and you skim right over the times he does open up, communicate and share his feelings.

Patty never completes things on time.

  • Again, you look for those instances that confirm your bias and you can completely miss all the things Patti does accomplish.

You look for proof that your opinions are true and  you actively ignore or discredit information that contradicts your beliefs.

You find what you FOCUS on.

What Does Confirmation Bias Have To Do With Relationships?
Everything!

 

What stories are you telling yourself about the people you are in a relationship with?

You may not even be aware of the fact that you continually seek out information that confirms your story and you ignore information that doesn’t align with it.

You may believe that you have a wonderful, happy relationship and to verify your belief, you are always looking for situations that prove this to be true. That’s great!!

BUT

Confirmation bias often works the other way.

  • If you’ve concluded that the other person is awful, you will begin to mount the evidence to prove your belief is true, and you’ll completely ignore all the contradictory evidence.
  • If you believe you don’t love your partner anymore, you will continually look for evidence that proves and supports your belief.
  • If you believe that you strongly dislike someone, you will continue to look for all the reasons why you dislike them.

One episode builds on the other and over days and months you’ve totally convinced yourself that it’s true.  You may have ignored all the instances that would have proved otherwise and now you have yourself totally believing something because of CONFIRMATION BIAS.

YOU SEE AND FIND WHAT

YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE!

How Can We Stop Confirmation Bias From Hurting Our Relationships?

  1. Be OPEN to a new perspective.  Observe people in interactions or circumstances and try to see them with fresh eyes. Try to activley find the opposite of what you believe.
  1. Strive to ADMIT and RECOGNIZE that you have confirmation bias in your relationships and you will be more likely to recognize its influence.
  1. Look for and ACTIVELY SEEK out information and situations that contradict your bias. Find the exceptions. 
  • If you feel like someone is always negative, actively seek out and look for times that they are positive.
  • If you feel like someone is inconsiderate, actively seek out and look for the times they are considerate.

When the way you look at something changes, the things you look at change!

 

Fay Prairie is a personal life coach and speaker specializing in personal development, relationships and empowering mindsets. She helps set you free from stress, negativity AND FRUSTRATION so you can start creating a life and relationships that you’re excited to wake up to!

Better You…Better Relationships…Better Life…

Fay also provides workshops and trainings.  Check out her speaking page by  Clicking Here

Contact Fay to set up a FREE 30 minute call to discover how Personalized Life Coaching can help you to begin making positive changes in your life!   (e-mail fay@fayprairie.com or call 507-829-0181)