Termites are capable of compromising the strength and safety of a structure. Termite damage can be costly!
Assumptions can compromise your relationships!
Assumptions can require costly repairs to fix!
Do you ever find yourself making negative assumptions about other people’s reactions?
Action: He didn’t even look me in the eye when I was talking.
Assumption: He obviously didn’t care and wasn’t interested in what I had to say.
Action: She didn’t ask any questions about my day.
Assumption: She’s selfish and could have cared less about the stressful day I had.
Action: He didn’t even say “hi” when I saw him in the store.
Assumption: I guess that says how important I am to him.
Action: She never called me back.
Assumption: I’m sure she’s upset with me about something I said.
Action: He didn’t respond to my request.
Assumption: I’m sure that means he doesn’t approve or isn’t interested.
Negative assumptions affect how you feel, which affects how you behave, which ultimately affects your relationships with others.
In all of the scenarios above, your assumption may lead you to send “emotion” poison back to the person. You ignore them, back away, become silent, blame them, criticize them, become angry and rude with them.
In reality, your assumption may just be a MIRAGE.
We think what we see is REAL and CLEAR, but it’s not!
Our assumptions are FREQUENTLY WRONG!
Could there be another reason for their actions?
Henry Winkler wasn’t that far off with his quote-
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
Is it fair to assume something about someone without taking the time to investigate the truth?
Are we being judgmental?
A good way to avoid making false assumptions is to ask questions and get to the truth before forming an opinion.
Imagine… spending less time making assumptions and more time getting the answers.
- When was the last time you made an assumption?
- What were the consequences?
- What could you have done differently?
It can be quite liberating to begin to check out your assumptions before believing them.
Fay such a great reminder! Assumptions can make you nuts. It’s so easy to spin out of control and all you’re doing is hurting yourself. Getting the facts is the way to go.
It is amazing how our own “and often untrue” assumptions can drive us nuts! We have more power than we know to change them and make our lives “easier”…
This week was such a personal reminder of that.
Tragedy in our family and a critical phone call (that I typically wouldn’t have answered) happened in a check out line in Target. I answered, and my daughter said, excitedly, “The man who caused the hit and run just turned himself in.”
I boomed in a loud voice, “Are you kidding me!!!???” While the check out girl, and people stacked three back looked aghast, rolled their eyes and tried to be anywhere but near the crazy lady yelling in the check out line.
I quickly hung up, apologized for creating Drama in her check out line and explained what was going on, that our family had had this terrible tragedy, and the person who had been responsible had just confessed. Suddenly, the aghast and horrid expressions changed instantly to compassion and heart-filled care and love. (It had been in every paper and plastered everywhere- so they were very aware of the situation) Much love and support poured from everyone. Assumptions disappeared, judgement was gone and love was given in its place.
How much more love and compassion would we give if we knew what was behind the sad faces, the “Crazy Lady’s” outburst, the overwhelmed mother, and the spaced out people that seem to only float through their lives never looking at anyone.
Would we stop snickering at them behind their back and offer them love and care instead?
Wow! Thanks for sharing Wendi! You’re so right, we never really know what someone is going through and if we did, we would definitely come from a more compassionate place. Once we have a true understanding, we can then be more empathetic towards others. Thinking of you during your difficult situation!!
I heard a stat once that 90% of conflict is perceived. 90%!!! That crazy number is arrived at by all of the assumptions we make about our perceptions of the world around us. Then we get all crazy and act on them creating a world of hurt. Great, simple reminder for us to check things out and create understanding first, before going off the deep end without our water wings 🙂