Question…

If you had excessive wear and tear on your car tire that would cause a flat and leave you stranded, wouldn’t you want to know ahead of time so that you could be proactive and prevent it?

Of course you would.

What about your relationships?
If you were doing something that was causing excess wear and tear on your relationships, wouldn’t you want to know?

Have you ever said or done something and instantly you
just knew that you had pushed someone away?

You may have be putting excess wear and tear on your relationships without
even knowing it.

Excess wear and tear can cause relationship wrecks.

The things you think (your mindset), the things you say or the things you do can puncture holes in your relationships and gradually over time, those little holes start to negatively impact your connection with that person.
Often, it’s a slow leak that eventually leads to a flat over a period of time.
Most of us don’t take the time to find out what behaviors, words and actions may be causing excess wear and tear on our relationships.

Yet, we all have to stop using them
if we want closer, more connected relationships and
happier lives.

Here are a few examples of things that cause wear and tear:

*It can be small, seemingly
insignificant things like interrupting someone consistently
while he or she is speaking.

*It can be much bigger things like lying or
infidelity.

*It can be an accumulation of sarcastic remarks
that leave people feeling unappreciated and unloved.

*It can be you complaining about them and the way they are

*It can be keeping yourself so busy
that you don’t have time to connect with those you love.

*It can be automatically pulling away
when your loved one reaches out to hug you, pull you
close, or touch you because you’re “too busy,” “too tired,”
or “too” anything.

*It can be you being bossy and controlling that pushes them away.
*It can be you always needing to be ‘right” and not admitting when you’re wrong.
*It can you be you lecturing (going on and on)
*It can be the tone of voice you use when you’re talking.

So here’s a question for you…

What are you doing that’s causing extra wear and tear on your relationship? We all do it.

Here are a few suggestions to help you become more aware. You can’t change something that you’re not aware of.

1. Pay attention to your feelings and physical symptoms.

Look at them as indicators of what’s going on inside you that
you may need to listen to. Do you get a sinking feeling or
agitation when you talk about money with your partner or
maybe when you come home from work and see a messy
house?
Do you feel your chest pounding or your face heating up when certain situations or ways of talking come up?
Becoming aware of your feelings and physical symptoms can help you start to identify the areas that may be causing the excess wear and tear on your relationship.

Pay attention and then begin honestly addressing what is
nagging at you that you may have been ignoring.

What thoughts need to be shifted? What can you do to ease
the stress of your situation? Do you have unhealthy
expectations of yourself or of others?

2. Begin looking at how you spend your time and if you are spending your time the way you want to–in a way that’s healthy for you–according to your values and not someone else’s rules.

Living your
life according to someone else’s rules and harboring
resentments causes A LOT of excess wear and tear on your relationship!

Assess how you really want to be living your life and make a conscious choice about what’s best for you and the relationship. Are there things you need to change for you to be happy? Be proactive and make the necessary changes before you get the flat tire.

3. Pay attention to your thoughts and self-talk.

Are you constantly telling yourself negative things about
you or others in your life?

If you listen in and pay attention to your self-talk, it can
certainly be eye-opening.

What we tell ourselves does tend to manifest in our lives.

Take time to start being aware (mindful) of the things you may be doing that are causing excess wear and tear on your relationships. Then start proactively changing them before you get a FLAT and get STRANDED.

If you’re having relationship challenges of any kind
and you’d personally like some help–
Fay also offers one-on-one breakthrough relationship
coaching both in-person and via technology (phone, skype, facetime)