Is there someone in your life who really frustrates you and causes you a lot of pain and anguish?
Most of us have someone.
Is it making you BITTER? or BETTER?
Often BITTERNESS sets in as GRUDGES and RESENTMENTS pop up automatically.
But if you don’t take control of BITTERNESS, GRUDGES and RESENTMENTS, they can take on a very NEGATIVE life of their own which ultimately creates a lot of negativity in your life.
They are like termites eating away at your peace and happiness.
Everyone ultimately wants to be happy and to have good relationships; yet if you hang onto a grudge, you are increasing your chances of being unhappy and letting that negativity bleed into all of your relationships.
Resentments can lead to anxiety, depression and deep pain that can last for years.
Here’s 11 Strategies to help you become BETTER instead of BITTER……
#1 Stop Ruminating
Stop replaying the story of what happened over and over in your mind. Each time you repeat it, you are strengthening it in your mind. The goal is to let it go, not continue to strengthen it.
#2 Stop Beating yourself Up
Stop beating yourself up for what you should have done and how you should have handled it and accept that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.
#3 Focus on what you can learn.
What can you learn from what you went through? What life lesson is there in it that can help you to make positive changes in yourself and your life that will benefit your future? Ways you want to be? Ways you don’t want to be? Changes you will make moving forward?
#4 Switch Shoes
Walk a mile in their shoes carrying their baggage. Use compassion to help you understand what they may have been going through and why they may have acted in the way they did.
#5 Bite your tongue
Stop saying mean and unfavorable things about them. Each time you are tempted, tell yourself to STOP and bite your tongue. Each time you repeat negative, judgmental things about them, it feeds your resentment which in turn feeds your unhappiness.
#6 Positive Mantra
Have a mantra that evokes gratitude and empathy and repeat it often. Empathy is a muscle and can be developed; It leads to forgiveness, happiness and joy in your life.
In a study people who repeatedly said “May you be free from suffering” versus a negative statement towards someone who wronged them were able to increase their empathy towards that person.
“I’m a strong, forgiving person and I don’t let grudges become a part of me.” “ I release the pain and move forward.”
#7 Relaxation
Do deep breathing, meditation or a calming activity. This slows down your heart rate, pulse, and gives more oxygen to your muscles and organs thus calming your body. When you feel relaxed and calm, you’re less likely to be throwing gasoline on your grudges and resentments.
#8 Take some responsibility
This doesn’t always pertain but often we have some part to play in what happened. If your partner said something very hurtful, what responsibility can you take that may have led up to those feelings and words? Sometimes, if we can see that we played even a small part in the scenes leading up to the event, it can help to diminish our feelings of anger and resentment.
#9 Do it Different
If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same results. Usually clam up, make sure you talk it out. Usually yell, remember SWB (slow, warm and brief). Usually say disrespectful things, remember to express your feelings with kind, respectful words. Remember the definition of insanity is to keep doing things the same way yet expect different results.
#10 Resist Urge
When someone hurts you, it’s so seductive to pay them back with something that you think will hurt them. You have to consistently remind yourself that you will be hurting yourself more than you are hurting them. Long term you are the one that will pay.
Your heart can grow hard and cold if you allow resentments to get the better of it. It’s not always easy but remind yourself that it will be worth it in the end.
#11 Accept
We are all imperfect beings. We all make mistakes. We all do things wrong. We all have hurt people at some point. We all have struggles. We all do things we regret. As part of living in this life, we will have hurts and struggles. Accept this and learn to be resilient instead of staying stuck in the hurts you’ve received. Accept them, let them go and use them to help you grow and move forward into a better version of yourself. You have a choice to be a victim or a victor.
Hey—if you’d like help improving a relationship or just being able to enjoy your life more, reach out and contact me.
I’m a counselor and a personal life coach who can help you strengthen your Emotional Intelligence which is responsible for 80% of your success in life and relationships.
E-mail me at fay@fayprairie.com or call me at 507-829-0181 and we can set up a time to visit about how increasing your emotional intelligence may benefit you.
