WHY be concerned about managing your emotions?

Studies show negative emotions can kill cells in your body thus lowering your immune system and leading to physical health problems. (cancer, heart disease, ulcers, back and leg pain)

Emotions release chemicals and electrical impulses which affect your mental health. (depression, anxiety, stress, and the list goes on)

Emotions can lead to:

• Resentments/Constant levels of Frustration/Unhappiness
• Distance and Disconnection in Relationships
• Debilitating Anxiety
• Feeling hopeless and powerless
• Overeating and Overdrinking
• Depression
• Loss of Productivity

Emotions SIGNIFICANTLY affect whether you feel happy, fulfilled and at peace in your life.

Emotions MAJORLY impact the way people feel about being around you.

Emotional Intelligence is a skill that can help you become more aware AWARE and TACTFUL in UNDERSTANDING and HANDLING your own EMOTIONS as well as the emotions of others.

It’s a skill anyone can learn and improve on.

The last post included Steps 1-5…Here’s the link if you missed it https://www.fayprairie.com////increase-your-eq-when-youre-upset/

Today’s post gives you steps 6-10.

Step Six: Turn off

In today’s world we’re always on the go.  Gotta do this, gotta do that and even when there’s a few minutes of downtime—we often use it to check the phone, facebook or play an electronic game.

Taking time to disconnect from the world—to be completely free from distractions, and obligations can be the last thing from our mind but yet what we truly need to do.

We need time to just have some quiet time to connect with ourselves. 

Quiet time connecting with ourselves can help us manage our emotions, and reflect on situations from a higher perspective.

Quiet time will help you with the next step.

Step Seven: Know Thyself

What are your common patterns?

Think about situations where you have been triggered, how you reacted and how in hindsight, you would have preferred to react?

The following list includes some of the most common emotional triggers, meaning you react when you feel as though you aren’t getting or will not get one of these things that are very important to you.

Acceptance	Respect	Be Liked
Be Understood	Be Needed	Be Valued
Be in Control	Be Right	Be Treated Fairly
Attention	Comfort	Freedom
Peacefulness	Balance	Consistency
Order	Variety	Love
Safety	Predictability	Included
Fun	New Challenges	Autonomy

Some of these needs will be important to you. Others will hold no emotional charge for you.

To start controlling your emotional triggers, choose three items from the list that most often set off your emotions when you don’t get these needs met. Be honest with yourself. Which three needs, when not met, will likely trigger a reaction in you?

Identify the needs that you hold most dear.

Anticipate and plan for these situations so you are conscious and intentional about your reaction.

Step Eight: Journal

Journaling helps you make sense of your emotions, pinpoint patterns and gain relief.

Go “Live on the Scene” – This is a great in-the-moment technique to help you manage anxiety or strong emotions. As an event is transpiring that has you wringing your hands or struggling with powerful feelings, record things as they happen. (or as close as you can to the time it happened—maybe it’s that evening before you get a chance to journal)

Journaling

• Empowers you to understand your feelings
• Helps you detect sneaky, unhealthy patterns in your thoughts
• Helps you understand what’s going on
• Can help calm and clear the mind
• Can release pent up feelings and negative thoughts
• Tracks what your triggers are
• Helps you process your emotions.
• Can identify patterns that otherwise might go unnoticed

Step Nine: Recharge

When you feel overwhelmed or your resources are low, it’s more difficult to manage your emotions.

How do you recharge? Make sure you include some of that in your life. 

• Is it watching a really funny movie? 
• Is it meditation or prayer?
• Is it an invigorating workout?
• Is it spending quality time with the ones you love?
• Listening to uplifting music?
• Talking to a friend?
• Go for a walk?
• Reading a book?
• Listening to a positive motivational you tube video?

Come up with multiple methods that you know help you to recharge so you’ll have several opportunities for self-care, rejuvenation, and improving your emotional well-being. 

Step Ten: Visualization

Imagine yourself using all of the nine strategies.

See yourself

……taking deep breaths to relax.

…..consciously choosing more positive,less judgmental thoughts.

…..being compassionate.

…..mindfully observing and accepting your feelings

…..shrinking the situation instead of making a big deal out of it.

…..taking quiet time to go within and connect with yourself.

…..recognizing and learning about your emotional triggers.

…..doing something that recharges you

and now IMAGINE that everything is ok.

Everything feels right.

Your heart is calm.

You’re feeling compassionate and positive.

You’re at peace.

Visualization is everything.  If you can imagine something, you can do it.  Nothing happens in reality until it happens first in your mind.

Each time you use visualization, you will improve your skill and it will be more effective.

Managing your emotions is tough at times. And there will likely be a specific emotion—maybe it’s anger–that sometimes gets the best of you.

But the more time and attention you spend on regulating your emotions, the more mentally strong you’ll become.

You’ll gain confidence in your ability to handle discomfort while also knowing that you can make healthy choices that shift your mood and your actions.

Do you want to let your emotions manage you? 

OR

Would you like to be able to manage your emotions?

It isn’t always easy and that’s why so many people don’t make an effort and give up.

But once you’re able to control your emotions, life changes for you in more ways than you ever dreamed possible. Not only will you feel more empowered and in control in life, but you will be happier and healthier!

If you’re feeling stuck and you’d like some support, email me at fay@fayprairie.com and let me know you’d like to set up a FREE 30 minute NO OBLIGATION phone call to see if /how my personal life transformation program can help you. (or call/text 507-829-0181)

Researchers have discovered that if you want to see improved performance in those you interact with, whether that be co-workers, students, significant other, children or family, you need a ratio of five positives to one negative.  

When the number of positive interactions outweighs the negative interactions by a ratio of 5:1, relationships thrive!

POSITIVITY is when you show support, encouragement or appreciation (“that’s a good idea”), and NEGATIVITY is when you show disapproval (“I can’t believe you just did that”), sarcasm, or cynicism.”

It may be easy to stay positive (and on your best behavior) with friends and acquaintances, but what about the people you spend the most time with?

How many times a day do you give positive feedback to someone as compared to negative? (this includes your nonverbals–eye rolling and facial expressions–body language, tone of voice) Often, your non-verbals speak louder than your verbal words.

Most of us tend to think we are more positive than we really are.  Take time to become more self-aware and track how often you are noticing and commenting on the things you appreciate versus the things you don’t like.

The GOAL is to:

“Look for the good and praise it.  In each other, in your children and family, in the world, in the people you work with, even in nature.  Speak it out loud”

CRITICIZING and CORRECTING is so EASY and NATURAL to do when someone does something we consider “wrong.”  Yet, it can strain and stress our relationships.

Make it a point to PRAISE and emphasize POSITIVE behavior.  Don’t focus your attention on the negative behavior you want to eliminate, but instead accentuate the positive behavior you want to increase!

Research has shown that kids who are dealing with difficult situations and demonstrating difficult behaviors can have their lives turned around by a caring and sensitive teacher/adult who makes them feel worthwhile by focusing on their strengths.

It’s not something we outgrow. The adults in your life need this too.

Despite all the research, catching people doing things WRONG still seems to be the norm.

Are you wearing glasses that find people’s strengths and positive attributes?

OR

Are you wearing glasses that consistently find their weaknesses and negative attributes?

To STRENGTHEN any relationship, whether at work, home or school,  whether with adults, teens or children, change what you consistently look for and what you consistently comment on. 

It can have a ripple effect!

Remember, if you want YOUR relationship to THRIVE, strive for the FIVE POSITIVES TO ONE NEGATIVE RULE!