As a personal life coach, I often hear about challenging situations and relationship issues. I often ask people, “did you tell them that?” They get that sheepish “I know I should” look on their face and say “NO.”

Why is it that some conversations are so difficult to have? (and I know they are because I’m guilty of it too!)

Whether it’s something you need to talk to your spouse about, an issue you need to discuss with your co-worker, or a complaint you need to bring up with your in-laws, life is full of tough and uncomfortable conversations.

You can skirt the issue.

You can act out passive-aggressively.

You can hope someone else deals with it.

OR— YOU CAN SPEAK UP!

Speaking-up can be hard to do!

It can be terrifying to put yourself out there, and share your thoughts, needs and feelings with someone else. The risk of being rejected, or getting into a fight or having bad feelings between you is high.

So, sometimes we just choose to remain unhappy, suck it up, and shove those feelings deep, deep down thinking,

“I don’t want to deal with it.”

Here’s some important things to consider:

If you’re often distressed (frustrated, irritated, sad or anxious), there may be a conversation or topic you’re avoiding. Facing and having that conversation may save you years of pain and frustration. (short-term discomfort for long-term gain)

Difficult topics never get easier. You’ll always be able to find a hundred reasons or excuses why it’s not the right time to speak up. Every day you’ll be able to find a reason, usually quite valid, why today isn’t the right day. Truthfully, if not now, when? Most likely it’s not going to get any easier.

There is no certainty. No matter how many times you play the conversation in your head you’re not going to be able to predict the outcome with any certainty. It’s often the fear of the unknown and our need for certainty that drives our anxiety and procrastination. If you knew that you would be heard, welcomed, and that your issues would be addressed positively, you wouldn’t be so scared to have the conversation. You’d just DO IT. Unfortunately, you will never have that certainty.

The worst is never as bad as you think it is. The reality that you create in your mind is often far worse than what will actually happen. Yes, you might get in an argument, and you might be rejected, and they might say something that hurts your feelings. Yet, sometimes that’s not as bad as the mental anguish you go through when you don’t have the conversation.

You’re missing out on how much better you could be feeling! If you need someone or something to change, and you don’t do anything about it, you are hurting yourself and your relationships. Speaking up doesn’t mean the issue will magically get better or become the way you want it to be. But, when you don’t speak up, there’s a very good chance that you will become more distressed, more resentful, and more miserable. The negative feelings that build up inside of you from not speaking up, start to come out and usually in an ugly and unproductive way.

Use these five truths to

motivate yourself to speak up!

Remember this:

Are you going to RISE and have those conversations you’ve been avoiding or are you going to RUN and keep avoiding them?

Fay Prairie is a personal life coach specializing in relationships and empowering mindsets. She helps set you free from stress, negativity AND FRUSTRATION so you can start creating a life and relationships that you’re excited to wake up to!

Contact Fay to set up a FREE 30 minute call to discover how Personalized Life Coaching can help you to begin making positive changes in your life! (e-mail fay@fayprairie.com or call 507-829-0181)

Have you ever tried to:

Lose weight?
Improve your relationship?
Not get upset with someone?
Not worry?
Complete a challenging project?

And felt COMPLETELY STUCK…..as if you just can’t do it!

We’ve all felt like we’re drowning in mud.

times you feel stuck and confused.

You want to move. You should move. You have to move. But you can’t.

Right now, think of a goal or something you’ve really been wanting to change.

Now, see if you’ve ever used any of the four NEGATIVE things we say that keep us stuck and how you can reframe them into something positive.

NEGATIVE Statement #1

I’ve tried everything!

Have you really tried everything? Usually we’ve tried 4-5 things.

Then we start to tell ourselves,

“It didn’t work for me.”
“It’s not possible for me.”
“I just can’t do it.”
“I might as well give up.”

This statement halts us from continuing to put forth effort.

What this statement really does is give us an excuse to ‘quit trying’.

We back off and give up too soon.

It’s just a story that we tell ourselves—but, it’s not a true story.

There are lots of new ways to keep trying.

Ask yourself:

“Who can I ask to help me?”
“Who can I ask for ideas?”

What’s really sad is that success could be right around the corner.

We may have failed a lot but the truth is that failure brings us closer and closer to achieving that which we desire.

With each failure, we learn and each time we learn we continue to do it a little better.

Each time you try something and fail, you are getting closer!

Keep asking yourself:

What else can I try?
What can I do different?

“Don’t carry your mistakes around with you.

Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones.”

NEGATIVE Statement #2

That works for them but it doesn’t work for me.

Ever catch yourself thinking,

“I’m not like them.”
“They have what it takes. I don’t.”
“They were just born that way, I wasn’t.”
“They’re just different than me.”

We continually compare ourselves to others and we often come up short.

“They’re more outgoing.”
“They’re smarter.”
“They’re more talented.”
“They’re more skilled.”

The truth often is that they’ve worked hours on developing their skills and talents. It didn’t always come natural for them either. They’ve just invested the time and energy on polishing the skills needed.

They trained, conditioned, practiced and kept getting better and better and better.

You just have to put in the miles.

Truthfully — sometimes it’s not easy for anyone, but if they can do it, why can’t you?

You can think of a million excuses and explanations but the truth is—quite often– There really isn’t any reason you can’t do it; it’s just your thoughts lying to you.

Replace it with a new mantra—Chant the new mantra over and over.

“I can do it.”
“It’s possible.”
“If they can do it, then why can’t I”

How can I start working and training so I can have that too—so I can be that way too??

Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.
— Henry Ford

NEGATIVE Statement #3

You don’t understand.

You don’t understand- you don’t get it-you don’t know what it’s like for me. It’s different for me, it’s harder for me, you don’t know what my life has been like.

Again, it’s a negative statement that holds us back. Then you quit. You think people can’t understand your journey—what’s happened to you—what you’re going through.

They’ve never gone through what I have…there life is easier.

It’s a statement that gives you permission to only give it a half-hearted attempt.

We’ve all had some special situation in our life-one that we can use as an excuse to say that it’s not possible for us.

Reframe-

There have been many people who have faced difficult challenges in their life—but didn’t use them as an excuse to hold them back—but rather as fuel to move them forward.

Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was four years old.
Jim Carrey used to be homeless.
Richard Branson has dyslexia.
Stephen King’s first novel was rejected 30 times.
Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times before creating the lightbulb.

There are people who have had obstacle after obstacle and still reached their goals—people who have had a way harder journey than us yet they still made it –they still accomplished what they were out to do.

So, when you want to say you don’t understand—think of some of those people and again say,

“If they can do it, then I can do it.”

NEGATIVE STATEMENT #4

It’s easier said than done. It’s too hard.

That’s true with everything!

Everything is easier to say than it is to do it.

I’m going to go get ice cream from fridge—is easier said than done.

That saying is true about everything.

Everything is easier said than done–But we often let it stop us from doing it.

Our bodies try to keep us in our comfort zone. So when we try to change something—a bad habit—a way our relationship has been–we convince ourselves it’s too hard—and then we don’t try very hard.

It’s a negative statement that holds us back.

If you’re struggling trying to get ahead and make changes-try changing what you’re saying to yourself.

Watch your internal talk because when we say pessimistic statements, they have a lot of power over our life.

Most of us are in constant mental chatter. We talk to ourselves all day long 24/7… and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have in reaching our goals.

Instead of saying-I’ve tried everything, Say: “What else can I try?”

Instead of saying “That works for them but it doesn’t work for me.” Say—“If they can do it, then I can do it!”

Instead of saying “You don’t understand,” Say—“How can I become the person that can accomplish that?”

Instead of saying “It’s easier said than done—It’s too hard” –Say– “Everything is easier said than done but where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’ll figure it out.”

Our actions are inspired by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the actions we take. Practicing positive self talk can help us set in motion actions that will bring us great rewards!!!.

It’s easy to be a pessimist. It takes a conscientious effort to be an optimist.

Your thoughts and words are determining your life.

Fay Prairie Better you. Better relationships. Better life.

Monthly Archives: April 2018

Is this blockade preventing you from having the relationships you desire?