Years ago, when brain science was in its infancy, a test was
done on a Northern Pike, Scientists put it in one side of an
aquarium with a glass divider, and filled the other side with
minnows.  The hungry pike immediately went after the
minnows, banging his nose against the glass.

This went on for some time, until eventually the pike gave up.
He learned his lesson.  That’s when it got interesting:  the
scientists removed the glass divider!  The minnows swam all
around him, but it didn’t matter to the pike.

He had been conditioned that whenever he tried to go after
the minnows, he’d hurt his nose.  They could swim right
through his open mouth and he wouldn’t even try.  The “Pike
Syndrome” was one of the earliest tests that demonstrated
how our conditioned thoughts, beliefs and habits can cripple
us, hold us back, cause uncertainty, doubts, fears, anxieties
and so much more. AND, how we ourselves can RETRAIN
our brains in ways that hold us back OR make us successful.

The power of our thoughts is probably way stronger than most people realize.

Once your brain has been programmed to think and
believe certain things, it will do its best to maintain those
“comfort zone” conditions — no matter how much you want
to make a change.  Just like the Pike—he had become conditioned to believe that he couldn’t have the minnows.

Our thoughts have the same effect on us.

90 percent of our worries, fears, & doubts are nothing more than memories from the past that are projected onto our present and they are not real. Yet, thinking these same types of thoughts keep us stuck day after day in the same behavior. (like the Pike was programmed to believe that he couldn’t have the minnows)

To make changes and achieve different results in your life, you have to add new and “better programming”

Learning to recognize and reframe our negative thoughts is vital to creating “better programming” that doesn’t continue to hold us hostage to stress, overwhelm, doubts, fears and insecurities.

If you replace one negative thought with 3 positive thoughts, you would feel a difference in your life.

If you replace one negative thought with 5 positive thoughts, you will feel a bigger difference.

If you replace one negative thought with 7 positive thoughts, you will feel a gigantic positive difference in your life.

If you develop new positive thoughts and repeat them again and again then you will strengthen new positive neural networks in your brain and feel a HUGE positive change in your life.

Join me on May 31 @ 7:00 pm Central Time for a FREE ONLINE LIVE Masterclass, “5 Tools to Breakthrough Negativity”

Register by clicking here or going to www.fayprairie.com/breakthroughnegativity

Here’s some of what you’ll learn:

How to control your MIND instead of letting your MIND control you.

The massive MISTAKE most people make that keeps them STUCK where they DON’T want to be! (It’s so automatic for us to do this that we don’t even realize we’re doing it)

Six QUESTIONS to ask yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated so you can flip to feeling UPBEAT and HOPEFUL. (I use these all the time and honestly, they work!)

How to fill your mind with EMPOWERING thoughts and STOP the negative, dis-empowering thoughts once and for all.

Plus More…….

Want to get along better with every single person in your life?  Then AVOID these 7 Mindsets that create STRESS and HAVOC in relationships!

Our mind is a thought factory producing thoughts 24/7—sometimes up to 80,000 thoughts a day.  We usually accept them as true and don’t take time to examine them but often they lie to us!

We’d all be much happier and get along much better if we took time to become aware of, examine and question our thoughts!

Look at the list of typical thoughts that harm relationships and ask yourself if any of these are true for you.

Sometimes we get stuck in the way we think and then withdraw, attack or give up.

Ask yourself, “Is there a different way to think about this?”

1. Labeling

You label the other person, leading you to believe that he or she can never change: “He’s passive-aggressive”; “She’s psycho.”

Rather than label them, you can look for “variability” in their behavior. “Sometimes he/she withdraws and sometimes he/she interacts with me.” I’ll try to ask/notice/figure out what leads to the withdrawal.

2. Fortune-telling

You forecast the future and predict that things will never get better, leaving you feeling helpless and hopeless:

“He’ll never change”; “I’ll always be unhappy in this relationship.”

Instead, focus on specific things that you can say or do to help the relationship—focus on solutions.

Look back at positive experiences that you’ve had together to challenge your idea that nothing will improve.

You can also play a little game called “Catch Them Being Good.” Just list every positive you can find and notice, no matter how small.  You might be surprised at all the positives you can find — if you let yourself.

3. Mind-reading

You interpret their motivations as hostile or selfish on the basis of very little evidence: “You don’t care how I feel”; “You’re saying that because you’re trying to get back at me.”

Rather than engaging in mind-reading, you can ask them what they meant or how they are feeling.

Sometimes it’s beneficial to give them the benefit of the doubt: “They simply need some time to unwind” is a better interpretation than “they are being such a jerk.”

4. Catastrophic Thinking

You treat conflict or problems as if they indicate that the world has ended.

“I can’t stand her nagging”; “It’s absolutely awful!”

A better way of looking at this is that all relationships face problems — some of them quite upsetting.

Rather than look at an obstacle or a problem as “terrible,” you might validate that it is difficult for both of you but that it is also an opportunity to learn new skills in communicating and interacting.

Problems can be learning experiences and can provide some new ways to grow.

5. Personalizing

You attribute other people’s moods and behavior to something about yourself, or you take all the blame for the problems:

“He’s in a bad mood because of me”; “I must have done something wrong.”

Phyllis was doing a lot of personalizing, thinking that Ralph wanted to be alone because he found her boring. But really Ralph was so burned out at the end of the day that he needed a little while to cool down. It wasn’t about Phyllis; it was about Ralph’s day.

Try not to take it personal.

6. Discounting the Positive

You may recognize the positive things in your relationship but disregard them: “That’s what a wife or husband should do”; “Well, so what that he did that? He/she should!”; “These are trivial things that you’re talking about.” (this same concept can be applied to co-workers, friends and relatives)

Every positive should be counted — it’s the only way to build up good will. In fact, if you start counting the positives rather than discounting them, they will no longer seem trivial.

Sam learned that focusing on the positive made a big difference in how he felt in all of his relationships.  As he began keeping track of other people’s positives, it helped him recognize that an occasional negative — was outweighed by the many good things in the relationship.

7. Shoulds

You have a list of “commandments” about your relationship and condemn yourself or the other person for not living up to them.

“They should know what I want without my asking.”

“They should do it my way.”

“They shouldn’t make me so upset.”

“We shouldn’t have to work at it, getting along should come naturally.”

“I shouldn’t have to wait for change; it should come immediately.”

“They should accept me just the way I am.”

The more shoulds you have for your relationships, the more unhappy you will be.

Rather than talk about the way things “should” be, try to replace your shoulds with “could we try.” “Shoulding” isn’t helpful but you can make progress by acting differently and communicating in a caring way.

Take time to notice if any of these “mindsets” are affecting your

relationships and make an effort to become

consciously aware of how you can change them.

When you can change your mindset for the positive, you will see positive changes in your relationships!

1. Find and repeat a positive affirmation:

• I will succeed…
• I am confident…
• I can do this….
• I can handle this…….
• I can figure this out……..
• I have everything I need to get through this or to accomplish this…….

Repeat affirmations throughout the day when negativity arises.

2. Make a list of all your successes and visualize them while feeling those feelings of pride and accomplishment. You’ll immediately feel better.

3. Each day, find a value word that gives you a sense of meaning and purpose. Write it down and reflect on it once every hour.

Peace, Kindness, Purpose, Accomplishment, Appreciation, Achievement, Calmness, Commitment, Compassion, Concentration, Confidence, Courage, Capable, Creativity, Decisiveness, Determination, Discipline, Enthusiasm, Excitement, Faith, Fearlessness, Focus, Gratitude, Hopefulness, Impact, Love, Motivation, Optimism, Persistence, Perseverance, Self-Control, Empathy, Simplicity, Strength, Success, Trust, Truth, Understanding, Vision, Victory, Willingness, Wisdom

The words you focus on make a difference!

4. Write one simple goal down for each hour. When you get off track and you mind starts to wander, pull it back to that one goal that you are working on this hour.

5. Focus on what’s going well. At the end of the day write down 3 things you did well. You can also do this periodically throughout the day.

6. Focus on what you’re grateful for. At the end of the day write down 3 things you feel grateful for. Do this for 7 days and the research shows that self-esteem increases for 3 months! You can do this periodically throughout the day also!

The more often you focus on what’s going well and

what you have to appreciate, the better you will feel!

7. When you notice a negative thought, tell it to go away. Contrary to what psychologists used to say, the new research tells us to suppress the thought. So when you find yourself ruminating on a worry, fear, or doubt, “just say no.” Tell that inner voice to shut up!

8. Take some time to analyze your thoughts by asking yourself questions.

• Are you exaggerating?
• Is your worry real?

(Remember: worrying about a problem doesn’t help you solve it, but looking for solutions, and remaining positive does.)

• What can I do about this right now?
• How can I handle this in a positive way?

Ask solution oriented questions and

your brain will deliver insightful, helpful answers.

9. Practice mindfulness: sit back and observe your thoughts – without judgment. Mindfulness (truly being aware of your thoughts) teaches your mind and your brain to disconnect from the emotional impact of negativity. When you shine the light on your thoughts and become truly aware of them, they actually have less power over you.

10. Continually send love and forgiveness to yourself.

Criticizing and judging yourself

increases your negativity and stress.

Still stuck? Seek coaching. Call or email me today for a FREE no obligation 30 minute consultation. I’ll personally show you how to identify and undermine that mental chatter that is blocking you from realizing your fullest potential in your life and relationships!

fay@fayprairie.com

507-829-0181