We all want and need relationships that provide us with intimacy and connection.
Yet, sometimes our behaviors push the very thing we need further away.
Two Behaviors that can Push Others Away
1. CONTROL
When we try to control others, it almost always creates conflict and resentment, resulting in the loss of intimacy.
When we give unsolicited advice and opinions or make unreasonable demands, it can push people away.
When we try to change and control people, it’s like telling them they aren’t good enough the way they are.
It discourages them from opening up and confiding in us.
Who wants to be close to someone who is critical and controlling?
2. UN-ACCEPTANCE
When we accept people as they are instead of trying to change them, we make them feel at ease and comfortable with us. They feel they can trust us.
Think about your best friends. Aren’t they the ones who accept you fully, blemishes and all. You can be open and intimate without fear of criticism or judgment.
The same is true with our loved ones. When we accept them as they are, they can relax and be themselves, offering their love and kindness without pressure or expectations.
When we criticize and complain about how they are, it sends a message that we can’t accept them as they are.
Let go of Control and Needing to Change People
We try to control things because of what WE THINK. Control is a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome WE’RE SURE is best for us, and the outcome that WE KNOW and feel is the right one.
LETTING GO OF CONTROL means to stop fighting the natural flow of things.
Stop RESISTING and PUSHING against reality. Accept what is.
Otherwise, it’s like trying to row your canoe up the river against the stream–which is a BIG STRUGGLE.
This DOES NOT mean we don’t take any action to make positive changes, but once we have acceptance we then take action from a place of PEACE vs ANGER and irritation.
When we take action from a place of “acceptance” we actually get better results, because we’re not FIGHTING WHAT IS.
Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves, Let Go and Go with the Flow. Quit PADDLING upstream!
Being receptive and ALLOWING things to happen and be the way they are is a skill that can be practiced and improved upon.
People who are prone to ANGER and TROUBLE in their relationships have a SET pattern of beliefs, attitudes, expectations and behaviors and INSIST on getting their own way. They believe that there is a certain way that others SHOULD act and become angry when their expectations are not met.
The happy and successful person is open to consider that there may be another way versus always having to have things go THEIR WAY.
