Passive Aggressive Behaviors are designed to get back at another person without him recognizing the underlying anger.
Passive-Aggressive Behaviors build up over time and can do severe damage to relationships.
Examples
Your partner really upsets you and you know they hate their coffee strong so you add several scoops of coffee to the pot.
You tell your partner you’ll go to the meeting with them and then when it’s time to go, you just aren’t ready or you conveniently “forgot.”
“I know you probably meant to do the dishes! Don’t worry—I’ll do them tonight, even though it’s not my turn!”
In passive-aggressive you aren’t aggressively in their face, but you are aggressive in an underhanded sneakier way.
Here’s some COMMON LANGUAGE you may recognize that indicates “Passive Aggressive Behavior.”
- “I’m not mad.”
Denying feelings of anger. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, “I’m not mad” even when he or she is seething on the inside.
- “Fine.” “Whatever.”
Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies. The passive aggressive person uses phrases like “Fine” and “Whatever” to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.
- “I will.”
Passive aggressive persons are known for verbally complying with a request, but not following through on doing it. They say they will just to avoid conflict, but then they don’t.
- “I thought you knew.”
Sometimes, it has to do with omission. Passive aggressive persons may express their anger covertly by choosing not to share information when it could prevent a problem. By claiming ignorance, the person defends inaction, while taking pleasure in your anguish.
- “I was only joking—can’t you take a joke!”
Like backhanded compliments, sarcasm is a common tool of a passive aggressive person who expresses hostility aloud, but in socially acceptable, indirect ways. They justify it by saying, “can’t you take a joke?”
- “Why are you getting so upset?”
The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining calm and making sure to point out how the other person gets so worked up. In fact, the person takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their “overreactions.”
Passive aggressive behaviors can be just as harmful to relationships as aggressive behaviors.
Do you recognize this behavior in yourself or in others?
It’s only by having the courage to speak up, respectfully, that we can help other people understand how we feel.
Speaking up respectfully requires us to be clear and direct with our intentions and message.
Assertive communication doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want. You will feel better for respectively speaking up and your relationship will flourish way more than if you continue to use passive aggressive behaviors.
Passive Aggressive Behaviors HARM relationships which increases your stress, negativity and unhappiness in life.
Learn and practice ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION to improve all areas of your life!!
