Compassionate Listening is a way of listening so we truly “hear” to understand what the other person is saying, thinking and feeling.
Often times we hear, but are we really listening? It takes an active, conscious effort to compassionately listen to someone. Why is it important?
When we communicate with others in a way that helps them feel understood, it promotes a deeper connection with them. When they feel listened to, it lowers stress and irritability.
Compassionate Listening can help anyone to deal with troublesome situations whether its with colleagues at work, romantic partners or your children at home. Some ways of communicating push people away, this pulls you closer to each other.
Here’s a few tips you can use to help you start using compassionate listening in your relationships.
- STOP TALKING AND LISTEN–So often we want to start giving advice, tell them how they are wrong and they need to think differently, or we jump in too soon with questions and comments. Remind yourself to just LISTEN.
- LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND–Our mind starts to judge, think, criticize, and wander all around. Continue to pull your attention back and remind yourself to LISTEN to what the other person is saying.
- REFLECT BACK TO THEM WHAT THEY ARE SAYING–Ask them, “is this what you mean?” As you listen to truly understand, then check it out to see if you do really understand what they are saying.
- VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS-Let them know that you understand how they are feeling. “That must have been really difficult.” “I bet you were furious.” “You must have been disappointed.” “You seem really anxious about it.”
Remember that sometimes people need someone to listen to them more than they need someone to solve their problems. Don’t ever underestimate the value of just being there to listen to someone. It’s a great gift!
How often do people truly listen to us? How does it make you feel when someone is totally present and listening to you?
