Most of us were taught that you should have COMPASSION for others, but were you taught that you need to have compassion for yourself first?

Most of us weren’t.  The truth is, until you have compassion for yourself, you won’t be able to have it for others.

We often “bash” ourselves for not being “good enough” and think self-criticism will help us get better.

Research has found that self-criticism, beating ourself up, only sabotages us.  There’s actually NOTHING MOTIVATING about criticizing yourself. It makes you feel negative about yourself and it can lead to low confidence, anxiety and depression.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, helps you feel better.  When you feel better, you do better and you have an open mind towards solutions.

What is self-compassion?  It’s being warm, kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.

When you are compassionate to yourself, you realize that being imperfect, failing and having difficulties in life is inevitable.

5 Strategies for Self Compassion

1.  Consider how you’d treat someone else.  Imagine what you’d do if someone you cared about came to you after failing or getting rejected.  What would you say to that person? How would you treat them?

2.  Watch your language.  You may be so used to criticizing yourself that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it.  It helps to pay attention to the words you use to speak to yourself.  If you wouldn’t say the same statements to someone you care about, then don’t say it to yourself.

3. Memorize a set of compassionate phrases. If you find yourself saying, “It’s horrible.” or “I’m horrible” –that’s not very compassionate. Try some of the following phrases instead.

• No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes from time to time.
• It’s normal to have ups and downs.
• It will be ok and I’m ok–I’ll just do better next time.
• I did the best with what I knew at the time.
• I’m still a good person; I’m a human and humans aren’t perfect. 

4. Acknowledge and accept all of your feelings, whatever they are–anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy.  Once you accept and allow them, they will be free to move on.  When you resist feeling them, they tend to persist.

5.  Give yourself the love you crave from others.  When you begin to feel your OWN love, you will realize how much energy you’ve put into trying to get love and compassion on the outside. No matter how much love and compassion you receive from someone else, it will never be enough to replace your own self-compassion.

As you give yourself more compassion, you will trust yourself more to take care of you!  You will have healthier boundaries with people and not depend on them to take care of you.

Another positive outcome of practicing self-compassion is your compassion for others will flow freely and effortlessly.  Once you’ve experienced compassion for yourself, you will have it to share with others.