1.  Ask for what you need

Be more ASSERTIVE! When someone does or says something inappropriate, you must address it–your silence gives the behavior permission to continue.  Address the behavior directly and in the moment. Tell them very clearly that their behavior is inappropriate.

• Pull the person aside and privately point out the behavior.
• Use few words and get to the point–no long ranting and raving.

It is a habit for them to behave this way so you’ll need to remind them every time the behavior occurs giving them a chance to learn new skills and improve.

You may need to teach them how to behave differently.  Their behavior is telling you that they do not know any better; you may need to give them clear expectations for appropriate, alternative behaviors.

2. Be a role model of positivity

What we think about and talk about and focus on all day, every day, is what we bring about.  If you want to create a positive and constructive environment, then it starts with you.  Stop talking negatively, and start thinking and talking positively.

Don’t tolerate negative talk–no rumors, gossip, blaming or complaining.  If it is not a meaningful, purposeful and beneficial conversation, don’t have it.

• Start looking for what is good in everyone and everything.
• Shower people with praise and appreciation.  You will be surprised at the response in people, especially over time.
• When you look for what is good, other people start to do the same.
• Just as negativity is contagious, so is positivity.

Your strength and role modeling of positive and assertive behaviors will help others to do the same.

3. Manage yourself.

If you don’t manage yourself, you may lash out and react in a way that does not reflect the best of you. It is essential that you remain calm, respectful, and in control of your own emotions.

You teach others how to behave and how you expect to be treated by how you behave and by how you treat yourself. Your behavior speaks volumes.  People will learn to mirror you when they witness you dealing with things appropriately, calmly and respectfully.

4. Employ empathy.

Step into their shoes for a moment.

There can be several reasons why people mistreat other people. It can be a learned behavior, low self-esteem, and/or fear.  It’s about them and where they are developmentally.

They do not know better even if they do know better.  They may not care or they may not know how to behave differently.

Empathy allows you to show the person compassion.  It helps you to access the humaness in you.

Have you ever behaved badly? How would you like to be treated in that moment?

If they feel you truly care, they may begin to care enough to change their behavior.

You can try to diffuse the situation by showing verbal empathy, “You seem really angry, you don’t usually treat people that way.  Are you okay?”

If you do nothing different, then nothing will change.  If you assertively and positively address the issue each time it occurs, you increase the chance for this person to change their behavior.